Love Lessons – Sophia Tupy

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm here talking to Sophia Tupi. That's Tuppy. Like puppy. Tuppy like puppy. Sophia Tuppy. Today we're talking about body language. Sophia is the founder of the Kinesthetic studio and she fosters mindfulness with movement. She's also a body language expert and today going to be talking about one thing I'm hugely interested in and it's communication. But we're not talking verbal communication, we're talking communication with your body, with the language that you speak by your movements, your actions and not your words. So welcome, Sophia. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. So I would love to know, first and foremost, a little bit about you. Who are you? How did we meet? Where did I find you? You found me way out in Walthamstow in a lovely little wine shop that I am now currently managing. It's called Forest Wines. Check it out. If you're in the Walthamstow area, it is a lovely little spot and we just got to chatting about love and language. And body language. That is right. One of my favorite spots would be any great wine bar in and around central London. And that's where Sophia and I chatting about love, finding love, maintaining love, communicating in love, keeping love, and that comes down to communication. And Sophia was talking about how she's a body language expert and all about her travels, that she, you know, was founded in the States, let's say, yes, I am American. She's American. Fortunately, we love that. Do we? It's fine. I mean, we like you and you certainly like our accent. So is that why you moved here? It's partly. Partly that, of course, the NHS is a good, you know, bonus as well, I will say. Absolutely, absolutely. Of course. So here we are. Welcome to Love Lessons. Now, I want to talk to you a little bit about body language. When I say body language, any listeners listening in right now might be like, what on earth is Sarah saying? What is body language? What does it mean? Forgetting romantically speaking, how do you define body language? So body language for me plays into all nonverbal communication, which can also include gestures, facial expressions, things like that. I know there have been loads of studies that give out sort of random percentages of, you know, 70% of our communication is non verbal, 80% of our communication is non verbal. I don't think there's a definitive number, but we do know that quite a lot of what is communicated to whoever we're with or is around us is not through what we say, that's pretty interesting. And we all know that when it comes to research and all that jazz, we do kind of, we go on the stats. It's important. Every article that we read, every news story that we hear, it's all based on stats. And so if you're here telling me that, you know, you got into this kind of based on the stats, I mean, I came at this sort of field through a more creative side of things, through theater and through physical theater. I did finish my ma which is much more research based. But I have found that a lot of those stats, you do have to be a little bit careful. Just because a lot of articles I've read, you realize that they haven't exactly cited anything. Which from my academic background now, very recently, I've learned that there is a lot of false information out there. Unless you're reading an academic journal, be careful. Don't just throw out the random numbers or people will get some bad info. Okay. And so your background is, as you said, definitely academic. Like, you have been like through a very interesting path to get to where you are now. And I know a little bit about it, but our listeners don't. So please, can you explain your journey and tell us where you've been and how you got to this? I mean, I know we talked a little bit about stats, but what drew you in? Sure. So I. My background is theater, which has, I've realized, been sort of my own education in people and in learning about people, studying people, how we behave is all what goes into building characters in plays and in films, how we behave. I love that. Human behavior, romantically speaking, is fascinating. Agreed. And so that sort of led me here because I've finished my MA over here, which is applied theater, which has been a little bit more academic, but I feel a little bit like an imposter academic sometimes because my undergrad was a lot of, you know, rolling around on the ground and pretending to be other people. But we can talk about imposter syndrome another time. Fake it till you become it. Listen, the outside in approach is not always the worst approach. Definitely. Absolutely not. And when you're not feeling so confident, specifically like when you're out dating, then of course, like, you know, work that way and it will work for you for sure. So we know that body language means communication. How does it translate into communication on a date, per se? So I think a big part of that is first impressions. So, for example, if you're on a first date, of which I have had many, and I'm Sure. A lot of your listeners have had many first dates. I often find that in the past I have given off not necessarily what I want as my first impressions. So I've had to do a lot of work on myself of being a little bit clearer in how I want to be perceived through my body language. For example, I have constant worry lines or dimples in my eyebrows. Say, when I'm listening, it looks like I'm concerned or worried when actually I really just want the person to know that I'm listening. That's just a really basic example for me. But everyone has their own little quirks and ticks that we often communicate quite a lot that we don't necessarily realize through our body language and nonverbal communication. That definitely translates as that is the first thing that people are going to. Sorry, I just snapped. Maybe that wasn't allowed. You're allowed to do anyone. It's all in the body language, babe. Exactly. The first impression we give off is not going to be through what you say, Right. You see someone, your brain processes an immediate impression before you even say a word. So a lot of that will translate on a first date or in first impressions. Romantically, definitely. Okay, so it's so interesting. I've got a whole set of questions, but it's so interesting how you can kind of just like listen to things and that you just want to ask 10 million other things that you didn't have jotted down. Of course. And so the thing is about first dates, right? You go with the intention to be the most confident, the most powerful version of, oh, but they're so awkward. Okay, so you go along, you want to be confident, you want to be the best version of yourself, but you get there and you're nervous, of course. Okay, so you're nervous, you're on the first date, and the signs of nervousness, they start to appear. You're like, oh, my goodness, what to do. Have you got any tips? Because when you're nervous or you don't feel as you want to, as confident as you would like to outwardly portray. And have you got any tips to kind of rein in the perceived negative body language? I think it's important to just try to maintain a level of self awareness without adding to your self consciousness. We'll say if we kind of have the connotation that goes along with self consciousness as being aligned with that nervousness that we're talking about. Often I find that when I get nervous, my body language gets really closed off. I'll cross my arms or cross my legs, I'll hunch my shoulders forward, especially if I'm sitting at a table, maybe across from somebody. And then all of a sudden I realize that I've completely shut myself off from this person and stop myself from being vulnerable. Which of course makes me more nervous being vulnerable as it does with a lot of people. But that is really the only way you can connect with somebody else is by opening yourself up to being vulnerable and letting that other person see you for real and by maybe breathing and not worrying so much about vulnerability and that it's all okay, that if you can uncross those arms, open your mouth when you're listening, take a deep breath and again, fake it till you make it. I think it will be a little bit easier as time goes on. It's just practice. You've just got to keep doing it over and over again. I absolutely love that advice. What I was going to say to you just a moment ago, like so many thoughts going through my mind as you're talking because it's really interesting stuff. We talk about body language being about communication, but something you mentioned just then is it's not just about communication, it's also about connection. So connecting with first and foremost yourself, connecting your actions with what you're saying, the way you portray yourself outwardly and to what you're saying and what you're thinking, as well as connecting with the person that say you're on a date with body language, I would say is what percentage of unclear, but it is very high. Very high. Absolutely. Well, because communication is a two way street, right? It's sending and receiving. So if you are not open to receiving what the other person is sending you by, if you've crossed off, crossed your arms, hunch your shoulders, you know, on the one hand that might mean you're cold, but on the other hand, if you're not physically open to the other person and that will leave you less available to actually receiving what the other person is trying to send you, which hopefully will be something good. Oh my goodness. This is juicy stuff. We're talking about an open and closed body language, communication and connection. I am Sarah Louise Ryan. This is Love Lessons. I'm here with Sophia Tupi, not Tupi. And she is amazing. We'll be back. Women's radio station will give a voice to your brand, advertise your product, services or goods on air with a package tailored to suit you. For more information, visit womensradiostation.com@directively me, we're passionate about making clothes that complement any body shape through our Made to Measure tailored pieces. 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I'm here with Sophia Tuppe, body language expert and she is fascinating. She has been talking about communication, connection, alignment with words, things that you do with your body and communicating that with someone that you're on a date with. We have just been talking about being like your vulnerable self, putting yourself out there and being really all in when you're on a date and communicating. And what was really interesting is Sofia was saying about closed body language. So there's a difference with being closed and open and I want to really get to grips with what those signs are. So can you give me, let's say two or three signs of a closed communication on a date just to help these people out so they can become more mindful and conscious and aware. Not to a super like level of, you know, insecurity about how they're, they're acting, but to bring a self awareness to give themselves the best dating opportunities. So obviously we know that nerves can come into play when it comes to body language, of course, but give me three signs of what's closed in communication with your body. So first of all, when you said earlier, you mentioned something about alignment with words, that just made me think before I forget because I found this so fascinating in my recent research, if what we are communicating with our bodies or with our, you know, with our facial expressions or with our gestures what have you. If that doesn't align with what you're saying, we are always more likely to believe what we are not saying. So if I say have a great day, but I have a frown, a furrowed brow, my arms are crossed, whatever. I look really angry. But I say have a great day, you're not going to believe that I actually want you to have a great day. You will always choose the body language over the spoken words. So you can say whatever you want. But if you're not actually honest about how you're feeling, your body will betray you every time. So to be super duper clear on that point, body language overrides any verbal communication because it's our survival brain that kicks in. That's like our reptile brain is more what reads the body. So that will always be that fight or flight. Looking at is this person. It's our ancient, you know, ancestor brain kicking in. Is this thing going to harm me? Is this something that's good? Is this something that's bad? Is this scary? Especially if you don't know somebody. It's an unknown factor. So you're gonna just make snap judgments right away. So when that plays into nerves, if you're really nervous but you don't want that person to know, but. Or rather you maybe don't want to communicate that, unfortunately, a lot of the time, unless you're really actively aware of what your body is doing, you will betray that you are really nervous. So my advice, always off the bat, is just say, hi, sorry, I'm really nervous. By the way, this is the first date and I'm just really nervous. So I'm just gonna put that out there. I would genuinely always rather say it rather than make the person have this kind of underlying feeling of nervousness from my body, because then you can just get it out of the way because your body language is gonna say it anyway. But I also think on that point, so interesting that there is a lot to be said about sharing your vulnerability straight off the bat. Absolutely. Because that create. So if you're feeling nervous and your body's outwardly portraying that, and you don't just want to keep it completely internalized and sweat it out and have your body language give off all those closed and perhaps perceived negative signals, even if you're really into someone. Exactly. So it's actually greater for connection to say, hey, I'm nervous. You're going to see that I'm nervous. But I'm looking forward to this if you are. Excellent. Well, if you are looking forward to the Day. I hope you are. I mean, hopefully. So on that note, can you give me. We were just speaking about. Oh, right, sorry. Three. Totally. Two important. No, no, no, totally. And this is good stuff. Gripping stuff. Two or three signs of what closed body language might be. So I've, I mean, I've mentioned it a couple times before, but the classic is crossed arms. Crossed arms. And again, it is a, it is genuinely a defense mechanism. It's totally understandable. And also you might be cold, but if your arms are crossed and that's not cold, if you're sat under the air cond. And maybe say again, sorry, I don't mean to be closed off by crossing my arms. I'm just really cold. It's totally fine. Communication on all fronts. I love this Safiya. Just be open about it because who cares if you're cold, then that person doesn't think, oh God. Maybe they're just like, don't really want to talk to me because their arms are crossed. That will subconsciously give them kind of closed off vibes. It's a guarded nest because you're literally blocking your body from that person with your arms. Oh. So speaking of it emotionally, what is the most vulnerable part of our bodies? Oh God. Well, I mean, there's a few different energy centers that, I mean, if you believe in chakras and all that. I do. So really, obviously our genital areas are quite vulnerable and as they are, we've not got to that stage yet. We're on a first date. Sophia. I just, you know what, no judgment, no slut shaming here whatsoever. No slut shaming. But we've only just sat down, Sofia. No, it's true, it's true. But just in terms of our actual physical selves, if you think about the tender parts of your body, those will be quite vulnerable as well as your kind of solar plexus right under where your rib cage gets. Starts to get soft in the center of your body of your torso. It's sort of. If you get punched right there, it's a pressure point and it will knock the wind out of you. It's also thought to be where the kind of ego sits in terms of energy centers. Oh, really? So I have a really bad habit. When I was young, I was quite small. I was a tiny child. But you're relatively tall now. How tall are you today? It took a long time. I'm like 5, 5, 5 6. Normal person height, taller than Kylie Minogue and that's standard small. I saw her the other night. I can't talk about it. I. I'm a ghost. I died. Totally off topic. Sorry. Just a side note. Is an angel. I. So when I was little, I was really, really small, and I really wanted to be taken seriously and treated like I was older than I was because I always was treated like I was younger because I was so small. I would stick up my chest and try to make myself really tall by hyperextending my spine, which threw my spine off my body off center. And if you can picture, my chest was puffed out really big. But that actually is like exploding this chakra Right. In your solar plexus, which is your ego. Right. So if you think of what a stereotypical, like, overconfident business person, let's say you think of maybe a guy in a suit and they're puffed out their chest and they're walking down a hallway, that is generally gonna be all based in the solar plexus. And it gets quite hard. Whereas if you can soften that a little bit and relax, it's actually much more vulnerable. And if you can curb your ego and really show yourself, because it is a guard. Yes. It becomes this kind of wall that you are actually using to block yourself from other people. So soften the arms that you cross across that you cross actually across your body, which is protecting, you know, your rib cage where you're getting winded. And chakra Lee speaking, your ego. What. What are the couple of signs very quickly that you could give us? I mean, eye contact is big. A lot of people are really tough with eye contact. Obviously, if you're speaking and talking about something that maybe requires a bit of thought, it's understandable if you're looking away because your brain can't process all the information of the other person and your new thought. But if you're listening, hopefully the other. The person listening to you should be trying to make eye contact. That is how we connect. Because once again, that's how you're reading the other person who's maybe telling you a story or something about themselves. Yeah, those are my big main ones. And you know what? I have to say, I'm an absolute sucker for looking up into the air when I'm trying to do a memory recall when I'm telling a story because I'm a brain. Your brain can't process it all. The other person's body is giving you too much information info for you to tell the story and look at them at the same time. It's really hard. Oh, gosh. And I'm like a sponge and I think any empath is kind of like a sponge. Any good listener, agree. So I'm here with Sophia Tuppe talking about body language. We've just covered closed body language, vulnerability, ego and all that good stuff about communication and connection. And we'll be back at Love Lessons. We care about social change within communities around the world and we want to help. This is why women's radio station is giving free airtime to all charities. For more details on charity advertising, visit our website at www.womensradiostation.com hi, I'm Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy great food, fun and inspiring speakers whilst making friends in a room of all generations. If you're a social butterfly in the community, this fast growing franchise could be for you. 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What's not to love with gold FIFO reviews, fully flexible booking options and a best price guarantee, you'll find the perfect parking for you@heathrowparking.com do you experience skin irritation, unpleasant odor or feel insecure worrying about possible leaks? Discover revolutionary and patented most absorbent 100% ECO certified genial day sanitary napkins with tourmaline strip. So thin, so powerful, so genial. Leave behind embarrassing rashes, annoying skin irritations, leaks with your old menstrual pad. Order your free trial@jeannielee.com youm can also find us@womensradiostation.com WRS Women's Radio Station, Voice of women worldwide. Hi guys. Sarah Louise Ryan here. Welcome back to Love lessons and welcome back to Sophia Tuppy. Hi Glorious. Hi. Who is our body language expert. I'm so excited. Body language communication connection. A huge topic of conversation for anyone in the dating industry. Any matchmaker, which I am, or dating expert or advocate for. Love actually Chooselove Truly. Hashtag chooselove. Hashtag love wins. Hashtag love always wins. Oh sorry, off on a tangent. So we have just been talking about closed perceived negative body language nerves. How to override it. How your body language overrides the words that you use as well when it comes to communication. Now, I want to put a spin on that. I want to talk about selecting open body language, becoming conscious of body language and actively. Perhaps you're nervous. Perhaps you are aware that you use this protective body language on a date. Most people in big cities don't want to share their vulnerability. It is rough out there. It's rough. Sophia knows it. I know it. We've all been there, haven't we? James, Producer James. Big thumbs up from James. Big thumbs up from James. We've all been there and it's rough. So how do we. When we're on a first, second, third date, whatever stage we're at, we're nervous. We want things to progress to the next level. Romantically speaking, how do we select that positive open language in our body? Well, assuming things are going well, because, again, maybe they're not, because it is rough out there. And it did just make me think. I'm so sorry. We go on so many tangents, but we. Open body language can be really dangerous. Ooh, talk to me about that. What's the spin? Because obviously, if you're with someone who you really like, you want them to get to know you better. You want to get to know them better. Open body language. Absolutely. Great. Try listening with your mouth open. Try leaving your arms uncrossed. Try leaving your legs uncrossed. Potentially literally just being open with your bo. Like, physically front, facing towards them. Don't sit facing away from them. Don't sit at an angle. Be direct and right in their. Not in their face, but you know what I mean. However, if I'm walking down the street and I'm making eye contact with everybody that I pass with my mouth open and my arms open, a lot of people could maybe take that the wrong way. Particularly if it's late at night and I'm a woman and I'm walking in a not so nice neighborhood. So, once again, closed body language, open body language. It's all contextually based and can both be useful depending on the situation. Maybe your date's not going so well and you want to cross those arms. Maybe you don't want to give off the signal that, yeah, I'm going home with you, because that's not what you want, but it's more about being aware that you are communicating what you want to communicate, not what your fight or flight signals are maybe sending you. Very interesting. And I love that we go off on these tangents because they're so important and it's totally relative. Like, I can take it Back to like how you know the whole world out there that listens in knows that I was in a seven year relationship, became single, now in a relationship. And I went on a few dates even as a matchmaker, huge advocate for love, giving dating advice every day. I went out there with the positive mindset, positive body language. And when I met somebody that I wasn't into, whether it was a connection from a friend or a date for another matchmaker or an online date, whatever it was, if I wasn't that into them, because I try to maintain this positive frame of mind and it's nice to be liked and being nice. It's nice to be nice. You can not feel the vibe of that person. Absolutely. But give off the fact that you do feel the vibe. Absolutely. And you're not shutting them down. Especially if you're just a naturally friendly person like you seem to be. Yeah, that happens a lot. I've got loads of friends who say that they have had many instances of people thinking that they're flirting when actually they're just being friendly. And in a big city again, being friendly to strangers is not so common. So if someone is being overly open, maybe with their nonverbal communication you can give off the wrong impression by accident, which nothing judgment against you. It's more just protect yourself out there. Stay safe, ladies. And big cities where we don't even say hello to each other on the train, the bus, in any coffee shop. Independent ones, guys, no eye contact even forget hello. I know. Forget hello where we don't even look at each other. We'd rather look down our social media. We know that James Produce doesn't have social media. We talked that about that many times. Good for you. He's escaped. He's escaped. Listen, good for you. I'm jealous. Jealous too. I've taken breaks. It's working. You have to wean yourself off and go. It's not cold turkey, it's a weaning addiction. Anyway, moving forward, where were we at in big cities like New York? You've been there, haven't you? Lived there for five years. Yeah, I've lived there for a year. People don't communicate verbally. Non verbally. And so when it happens, you're giving out. And we're not saying don't. No, of course. It's again just that awareness. Awareness. Recognize what you might be communicating to other people and therefore then you can control the message. Right. Because if you're not aware of it, then you're not. Your body will betray you. Oftentimes. Yeah. So the default is much more likely to be closed, which in big city settings is good because again, it's a safeguard of crossing your arms or being a little bit more closed off because we have to defend ourselves in these big cities. But if by chance you catch yourself being a little bit too open, maybe you've had just a great experience somewhere and you're on a high, in a great mood, walking down the street, people can get the wrong impression and it's dangerous out here. So what I'm hearing from you is the key is awareness. And in the right circumstances, when you're feeling positive, align your body language with that positive feeling and that awareness, if you're able to. And also, you know, it's all about being street smart. Agreed. Forget your academia. Like, put it aside, you know, on dates or out there in the world. Like just being aware of what's going on around you and how your body language sits. So if I'm on a first date and I'm heterosexual, sure, for sure. Great. But not everyone listening in is. So I'm with a guy. Just wanted to give context. Because you love a bit of context, don't you, Sophie? All about context. Love a bit of context. So I'm on a date with a guy and I know I'm nervous, I'm giving off all the wrong signals. How do I align my positive feelings with my. With. Yeah, with my words. And then bring my body language into play in a positive way. In a positive way. So we're saying you're having a good time. Having a good time. I want to show him what is my body language doing? What's positive? Well, hopefully, you know, if he's. If we're chatting, if you're chatting with this guy, you're listening, trying to actively listen. Make eye contact and stay vulnerable, stay open, you know, try to stay relaxed. Don't let. Take a deep breath and don't let the nerves get the better of you. And it makes it much easier to hear, really hear what the person is saying and therefore get to know them better. Hopefully progress the relationship and vice versa. And again, if your nerves are just going crazy, which happens a lot, just say something. Say, I'm really. I'm so sorry. I'm really into this. Just so you know, if I'm not conveying it, I don't mean to. I'm just super nervous. Super nervous. Super nervous. Really interesting. So as a matchmaker, binging that for seven years, and I have interview, let's say I've interviewed About on average 3 to 5 ish singles who are successful time poor professionals every single day. Working day. I don't work on Saturdays and Sundays, guys. Good for you, good for me. And they all talk to me about their first dates. The good, the bad, the ugly. So they go out on first dates and can often not tell if someone likes them or not. Ah, so this is a huge sticking point. So when you know 80% of your time you're working and you kind of learn that, oh, you're not in tune with the personal side of yourself, you want to know if that person's in because you feel in. So after the break, we'll get back to that. I'm with Sophia Tuffy. 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Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's Radio station to keep up to date Keep up to date with all our exciting news. The Soap Co is a social enterprise manufacturing soap in East London and in Keswick in the Lake district. We have 114 employees, 80% of whom are blind, disabled or have a long term health condition. We're creating real jobs for those people. As I said in East London and in Keswick. The soap company is a luxury ethical brand free from sls, pegs, Triclosan, petrochemicals and other chemical nasties. We're bee friendly and we don't test on animals. Most recently we have launched an Eco range which includes a rhubarb and geranium scent and a wild nettle and sage scent which was inspired by the British countryside. You can create real social value and real jobs for people living in the UK with a disability or a long term health condition by purchasing our products. 1,300ml bottle of our hand wash or hand lotion creates one hour of employment. If you purchase a five litre bottle for a business, this creates around two hours of employment for somebody who is blind, disabled or has a long term health condition. For more information please visit www.thesoapcode.org or for business inquiries please email B2B that's letter B number 2B at the soapco.org hi, my name is Gary Parker and my company is called CNT Associates. We provide fundraising, business support and training services for small businesses, charities and non profit making organizations. We've raised over £20 million since 2003 and we'd like to help you visit us at cntassociates.com or on Twitter ntassociates. Hi guys. Welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and I'm here with Sophia Tuppe. Hello. Hello. We have been talking about reading people romantically. We're talking about body language, communication, connection, all of those cues that are non verbal. And we were just touching on before the break how a lot of singles that I certainly meet, especially those who were successful singles in, oh gosh, let's say banking, legal, finance, whatever, high up the ranks in corporate ladders and they haven't got a lot of time for themselves personally when it comes to their romantic lives, their love lives. They go on a first, second date. And while they're a type personalities who get what they want and they get it yesterday, professionally speaking, they go on a date and they've no clue what's going on. And so I just want to give those people some tips about how to read positive body language when they see it. Because I know that some of you out there can relate because I'm out there interviewing singles just like you who don't know what's going on out in the world of single day. So tell me, what are the signs? So let's say we're on a date. Sophia, we're on a date. Great. Let's act out a date. Good date. Good date or bad date? I want it to be a good date. Okay, we're on a good day. Yeah, good. So this is the trouble with non verbal communication. They can't see me. This is a radio show. But I will try to describe it. Let's describe it, let's get descriptive. So it's funny, I was speaking to our lovely producer during the break. It's all about a balance, I think, because obviously it's really easy when we're nervous to get quite, quite self centered with our kind of brain whizzing around thinking, oh, do they know that I like them? Do they, am I, are my arms crossed? Oh gosh. Because when you're starting to think about this body language stuff, it's really easy to get in your head about it and too much in your head about yourself when obviously isn't the point that you're trying to get to know this other person? So it's a tough balance to find. But I think with practice it gets a lot easier to just, you know, take a second, check yourself body language wise and then keep checking in with the other person because obviously as long as you're engaged with the other person, they're gonna. That will be a lot easier for them to know that you're interested. However, with that comes. Is my body? Am I facing slightly away from the other person? Am I sitting? Kind of trying to be cool. Sitting slanted off to the side, which diverts my energy off, rather than being facing front directly to this person across from me. Unless you're one of those couples that sits next to each other, which is slightly problematic for a first date situation, I think, because it's tough to read. But when you're sat next to each other. Yeah. How are you gonna read them if you can't even look at them? Oh, I hate it. I can't do it. What? Great. Intimacy from the get go. A lover conflict. Oh, it's tough. Not in war. Just being in love, guys. Sure, sure. I mean, I get the close proximity. Great, great. Like physical. Physical closeness, Cool. Comfort, Great. But it's tougher to read the other person, don't you think? So I say for a first date, maybe you try to sit across from the other person just to get a gauge of being able to read them. If you've never met them before, you can kind of get to know their little ticks and quirks and then maybe try on the second time sit next to them. Okay. So spanner in the dating works, from Sarah to Sophia. Yep. I'm gonna sit next to you. Oh, no, of course I am. Because we're at a speakeasy. The only place to sit is at a bar. Cute. What we gonna do? Oh, man. Well, are we gonna mirror each other? Probably. Let's talk about it. We probably will. Mirroring, guys. Oh, my gosh. I love mirror neurons. I'm obsessed with them. Oh, are you actually gonna mirror me? This is exciting. Actually, the listeners have no idea what's happening. You have no idea. Sarah is genuinely trying to be my mirror physically. And it's excellent. And I love it. So did you know mirror neurons, while the studies are early, what research they've done on mirror neurons is actually that if you see someone doing something, the parts of your brain are triggered as if you were doing it. So if I see someone fall, the same parts of my brain light up as if I fell. The panic, the fear. Right. The falling. It's, you know, if you see someone drop their phone on the street. Oh, the pain, the gasp. That's because your brain is actually going, oh, my God, I dropped my phone. That's fascinating. So if this person across from you is smiling, is open, is, you know, joking with you, is nudging. You, sitting next to you at the speakeasy bar is trying to make physical contact. Your body's going to engage in that same way. And if you're conscious of the mirroring maneuver, let's call it. I do think that subtlety is key because otherwise you've totally screwed it. No, interesting. Because elaborate, please. Okay, so you and I were on a date, Sofia, and you've got your legs crossed. I cross my leg. Okay, fine, not noticeable. But then you start gesturing your hand towards me, and I gesture mine towards you in the same man, your. You. You pull your hair behind your ear, and I do the same. Right, Right. So we have to get really theoretic, and then it becomes theater. Yeah, fair. This is not Phantom of the Opera, guys. No, no. This isn't your Theater 101 class in high school. No, I. So, I mean, mirror neurons are very perceptive. So it's really just even a smile, a crinkle of the eye, it'll pick up on that kind of mood. So it's almost sort of like the golden rule, like, treat others how you want to be treated. That actually goes with our nonverbal neurology, that if I am going to project what I want back from you, I'm more likely to get it than if I'm just waiting around for you to, you know, be a little bit more open with me. Smile, do your thing to make me interest, make me think that you're interested. You've got to do it yourself as well. Would it be fair to say that mirroring when you're into someone is a surefire way to build rapport? It's definitely a step in the right direction. Okay, body language expert, tell me. Let's cap this amazing episode of Love Lessons off. Give me top three tips of positive body language when you're in a positive scenario for these listeners to take away as they're lasting for to totally bag a second date when they're on a first. Okay. Definitely trying to ignore that fight or flight drive to guard yourself from this other person. If you're feeling it, let your body reflect that. Be a little bit more open. All the softer parts of your body, try to maybe reveal those a little more. I don't mean literally. No need to flash anybody. I heard that the neck is the most vulnerable part of the female body, especially if you're heterosexual. Attracting males, of course, that showing a bit of neck to a man. I mean, I'm no scientist. I'm a matchmaker. I've heard that that is attractive. To men, that makes sense to me or maybe women. I'm no expert. I think anything that can receive information, if you can keep it open and engaged. So like I said before, listening with your mouth slightly parted, keep your lips slightly open. It is actually a little bit scarier if you're not used to practicing that, it will feel a little bit scary because you are being more open. You're literally showing more of yourself. Is it almost like I'm talking to you, Sophia, and my words are going into your mouth? It does feel that way sometimes. If you leave your mouth open while I'm talking, as you're actively listening, I mean, that's what it is. It's like you're capturing my words. Right. But you can listen a little bit more actively that way, I think. Yeah, for sure. Find a list. Try to keep your energy directed at that person, if that makes sense. So keep facing that person directly. No need to try to look cool by facing off to the side and giving it a lean genuinely. Just sitting face to face with someone makes a huge difference in the ability to engage and have a give and take in terms of communication. And I know especially in the high profile business world, we often are trying to display our cool, display our ego a little bit, but if we can soften it a little bit more and just get real about. I want to connect with this person. So I'm going to sit straight facing you. Not going to look away, not going to kind of let my body wander to the left or right. Really just sit facing you and be really direct. It might be a little scary for somebody who's not. Not used to it because a lot of us are not used to getting such good, good, honest communication. But it is a definite way to let somebody know that you're invested in the conversation. Okay, so I'm gonna pre frame how disgusting my joke is, but start displaying your cool and start displaying your warmth. No, I love it. Capturing the hearts of millions out there. Who knows, Sophia, what a dream you are. Likewise. Are you kidding? I don't kid. I'm not funny. Your joke just then was great, though. Well, I hope you're all laughing. I'm laughing at myself. Sophia, body language expert, founder of Kinaesthetic Yes, Movement Kinesthetic is the name. You can find me at Kinaesthetic Studio on Instagram, Kinestheticstew on Twitter. I'm not very active. I will warn you. And if you just search Kinesthetic Studio on Facebook, that's me. That is the website name as well. Kinesthetic studio. I would love to have you back. I mean there's so much to say about communication verbal non verbal and your knowledge is awesome and sound and I'm sure the listeners out there are loving it. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Thank you, Sophia. Thank you. We're at Women's radio station and you've been listening to Love Lessons. Women's radio station will give a voice to your brand. Advertise your product, services or goods on air with a package tailored to suit you. For more information visit womensradiostation.com hi, I'm Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy, create food, fun and inspiring speakers whilst making friends in a room of all generations. If you're a social butterfly in the community, this fast growing franchise could be for you. If you would like to know more about stepping into our pink shoes then look at the business opportunity page on our website livelaughladies.club. also at womensradiostation.com@distinctively me we are passionate about making clothes that complement any body shape through our made to measure tailored pieces. 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