Radical Well-being – From Victor to Victim

Hi, guys. My name is Ingrid Marsh and this is the Radical well Being show. And we are here in our studios at Covent Garden supporting women's well being on the Radical Wellbeing Show. I bring you stories from ordinary women like me and you who are doing extraordinary things and together our mission is a simple one, and that's to empower you to overcome obstacles that come your way and live your life to the fullest. So this week, my darlings, the topic is from victim to Victor. And my guest is the delightful Karen McNass. Her story is inspiring beyond words. Now you're going to find out how after suffering not one, but two abusive relationships, how Karen fought back. But before I speak to Karen, let's just go over what abuse is, what physical and emotional abuse is. So it's when the perpetrator in a relationship tries to reduce your confidence and esteem, to make, to, to make the victim or to make you, if you're in this situation, reliant on them. They use tactics such as intimidation, bullying, constant criticism, keeping you isolated from friends and family just to exert control over you. Now, abusive relationships, physical, emotional, abusive relationships is just a means of control, really, a means of control over the victim by having a strong mental hold over them. So it can show up in different ways, like constant put downs. They make their victim look stupid, worthless, or they make them feel like they're a bad parent. It shows up in a medley of different ways and many survivors, many survivors of emotional abuse in relationships state that the impact of abuse is worse than physical violence. We're going to find that out from Karen, but don't forget, we love you to engage with us at the show here. Our email address is presentersomensradiostation.com so make sure you email us, join us in the conversation and but first of all, yes, let me introduce you to my guest, Karen McNass. Karen, hi, how are you? Hi, Ingrid. Thank you so much for having me here today. I'm so excited to be here. You are so. You're so my welcome. It's my welcome. Thank you so much for coming. Karen, you are so wonderful. I know you've just come back from. Karen is like the traveling girl, okay? You follow her on Facebook and you're trapped in the world and you've just flown in recently from another time away. So thank you. We can touch on that during the show. Thank you so, so much for joining us, Kevin. Not one, but two. Two abusive relationships. Gosh. Can you tell us a bit about that? Tell us about the first situation. Well, the first situation, I was quite young. Well, when I say quite young, I was 22. And it was with. I was with my husband and we were together and we had an argument and I got really angry and I threw something, and that was fun. The first time he hit me, I threw a cup of tea and it splashed into the sink and it splashed on him and he hit me and I left. But he was really apologetic and he just. He was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never do that again. And so I kept going. I went back. But it happened again and again. And it got to a point where, you know, it was. I started thinking, well, maybe it was me. Because he would say, if only you didn't do that, or if you hadn't have made me angry, I wouldn't have done it. So I started thinking it was my fault. And so I started behaving in a way that wouldn't upset him. So I became very isolated from friends and family. He didn't like me going out. He didn't like me doing things without him. He didn't like me speaking to my friends on the phone, even. And, you know, I wasn't very long over here in this country, and I had a lot of friends still in Ireland. And I remember him saying to me that, oh, they never call you. Why are you always the one who calls them? They don't call you. Why do you have to call them? And so I stopped. And then I lost touch with a lot of my friends, actually, in Ireland. And so some of my family, you know, I just stopped communicating. I stopped getting in touch. And it was a very isolated existence for quite a while. And do you mind me asking you how he would hit you, how that strike would happen, where he would hit you? Anywhere, Ingrid, really. Anywhere. We. Oh, there were occasions when he would throw things at me. And I remember he used to work for. I can't remember. He worked on a building, part of building site. So he used to wear the heavy steel tip boots. And I remember him throwing one of those at me once. It hit me in my thigh. And the lump that came up on my thigh, it was painful to wear trousers for about two weeks after that, just from that. Or he would slap me in the face or punch me in the face. I wore glasses at the time, so if he hit me a couple of times, the glasses would cut my nose. And there was one occasion when he pinned me up against the wall. He was choking me. So it was. It wasn't anywhere in particular, it was just as. And where that. The time, at that time, sort of anywhere and everywhere. And before you got married, Karen, were there no signs of this at all? Was there some indication that you were potentially in denial over it? Looking back, He hid me before we got married. Right. But swore he would never do it again. And he didn't do it again until after we were married. Right. So up until then and I. You see, it's a difficult one and it depends on your upbringing on where you are and your tolerance level. And it wasn't unusual for me to be hit. I grew up with it. If we misbehaved, we were hit and we were hit hard. So for him to hit me and then come back and apologize, that was okay for me. Right. Because I never got an apology when I was a child. So I genuinely felt he was sorry and I genuinely believe still that he was sorry. You know, every time he did it, I'd believe he was sorry, but he just couldn't control it, you know? Yeah. So you feel it was actually normalized from childhood basically in your mind? Yes. I don't think that anybody who was not hit as a child would tolerate somebody hitting them, a partner hitting them. I don't believe that that's the case. I've not met anybody who has had a similar experience to me who has tolerated that from a peaceful, loving. I'm not saying my childhood wasn't loving, but from a non violent childhood. I don't believe that somebody would accept that from a partner. And how frequent were the situations? Days apart, weeks apart, months apart? They would be infrequent and it was generally alcohol related and generally both of us with alcohol. So, you know, there were circumstances that we created. When I look back on it now, I can see we created these situations that we knew were toxic and it was, you know, it wasn't so much, you know, a regular thing or it was just. It would really depend on where we were in the environment and how much alcohol was involved. When you say you created the environment, do you mind expanding on that? We created it because we drank. So a lot of the time the situations were alcohol induced, they would be escalated because of alcohol. And when I say created, I say that from a place. Now indeed, looking back because we, I knew the city, I knew that, you know, if alcohol, there was a lot of alcohol, the likelihood is higher that there would be an altercation. Yet we continue to put ourselves in that situation. Does that make sense? Quite. Yes. But I appreciate also that's in hindsight 100%. And unconsciously you were doing that 100%. I was not aware that I was doing that at all. Indeed. But you know, I'm going back 20 years here, so I can see now the patterns and how we put ourselves into that situation as immature or maybe immature is not the right word, but as adults of that situation in that time. And you said at the time you felt it's because he loved you, you did believe he loved you. Do you feel that way now? That he loved you, said it was through love that he said that he loved you and what have you. Do you still see that it was love, but that was just him being out of control? Yes, I do, I do. And I see that now because of the relationship we have now. I mean, that's what I mean. I see that our relationship, when we were there, when we were together, he did love me. He just struggled with dealing with his, with his anger. He had anger management issues. But I see that his, that that's how he was. Only because we've maintained a good relationship and I see him for the person he is today. Are you angry with him still? Were you angry with him at any point? Oh, yes, very. Yes. But we, we've moved on from that. Okay. And, and that anger dissipates and disappears. I hear you, Karen. So I'm talking with Karen McNass. We're talking about the emotional and physical abuse she went through both in two relationship over a 20 year lifespan. She did turn her life around. So you do stick with us on the show today. She's longer than my usual shows, which is fabulous news. Means I can delve a bit deeper. But just let you know that you can get support for domestic violence. There's lots of supports out there. You can speak to your doctor and so forth. But there is the national domestic violence helpline which you can call on 080-886-0327. So, and there's sorry, that's 24 hours. I do apologize. 0808-200247 Then there's also one for men who go for the same thing because men do go through domestic abuse as well. But we will be talking about that. But do stay with us. Karen will be telling us more about what she. But most importantly how this courageous woman, this is such an inspiring story, how she actually turned it around. So you listen to Ingrid Marsh. This is women's Wellbeing show on Women's radio station. Don't forget. You can email us here@presenterswomensradiostation.com do stay listening. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's wellbeing. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you doing extraordinary things, women who've overcome huge obstacles in their lives, who are now here with me to empower you on the Radical Wellbeing show. You'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show. Get booked here at Women's radio daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. 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That's womensradio Stn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hi there. You listen to Ingrid Marsh at Women's Radio Station from our studio here in the delightful Covent Garden. Gosh, I love it here. We're supporting well being. Before the break, I introduced you to the wonderful Karen McNass, who went through two abusive relationships but has totally turned her life around. We're going to be talking about that in a second. In the first half of the show, she was talking about the abusive relationship that she went through. We're going to touch now on the second relationship that she went through. But, Karen, thank you once again for joining us and thank you for being here on a positive note. Things have changed quite a bit now for you and your husband, is that right? Absolutely. Ingrid. You know, we split up 21 years ago and I have to say with, you know, all the time we were together, we sometimes make bad choices in our partners who don't bring out the good in each of us. And I think we just made the wrong choice with each other because we get on really well now that we're out of our marriage and we have a really good and healthy relationship. And he's always been there for our son and even for me during the tough times I had over the last 20 years. He's always been there for me. And I know, you know, if ever I was in trouble, I know I could call him and rely on him. So, you know, it's not a bad. It's not. He wasn't a bad person. We were just the wrong people together, that's all. And that happens sometimes. And how long did it take you to get to this place, Karen, with Helim? Not very long because of how we broke up, because he was. He never created a problem afterwards. He recognized what our relationship was, how he had behaved. And, you know, he confessed to me recently that he still feels bad now, now and guilty now about what happened. And I just tried to tell him to let it go. So he's always had that respect for me. Right. It's when the respect goes, that's when it comes a struggle to to actually reconcile and move forward. It's really hard when there is no respect. And he's always, always respected me as the mother of our son. And so that helped hugely in repairing and moving forward. So it wasn't long. I would say probably within two years, three years, we were okay. And even within that time, it wasn't. It wasn't a. You know, it wasn't bad. Okay, now, relationship number two, abusive relationship number two. Now, this is quite different, wasn't it, Karen? Because we've now come from physical abuse to emotional abuse. If you can see Kanjiston, her face has really changed quite a bit from those two different abuses. To me, your face still was quite fresh and light when you were talking about the physical abuse. But the emotional abuse, I can see your demeanor almost dropped. Why is that? Emotional abuse is what I call silent abuse. I ended up in an emotional abusive relationship that lasted 10 years, and I had no idea that I was in one because there is so little spoken about it. There's so little publicized about it or awareness about it. So I had no idea that I was in an abusive relationship. But it slowly. It slowly chipped away at me and who I was as a person. And because it was so slow, I didn't feel it. You know, I just didn't see me as a person just slipping away. And it would. It became, you know, I would look at myself in the mirror and not recognize who I was as a person. At the end of that 10 years, it was a very different, very different ball game completely. And how did it show up? It showed up in many. Mainly in ridicule, in putting me down, constantly telling me I was stupid, telling me I was a pig, I ate like a pig, I was fat, I was. And. And then. And then, you know, commenting on other women, saying how classy they were, and, you know, I'd love my partner to look like that, mocking me in front of family and friends. And the worst, Ingrid, the worst was for me was constantly correcting the way I spoke and pronounced my words. Because I'm Irish, I don't pronounce my words the same way. I wasn't born and reared here, so it got to a point where I would say something and go, oh, was that right? No, is it not? Do I say this? And then I start questioning myself and questioning, have I said that right? And feeling a little bit foolish. And it was. I just had no. By the end of our relationship, when it was ended, I had no self worth, no self confidence, and I was in a. I was in a really bad place. I hear you. At what point did you realise that something's not right here? That it. Because it's. I mean, there's many people in this situation. Can. I know. Thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing this with us, because I know there are many people who are suffering in silence, many women and men suffering in silence in this way who are going through this and go through and, you know, bow their head under the rug. So thank you so much for breaking through the stigma. To come and talk about this needs to be absolutely. When did you realise something isn't right? I knew I wasn't happy. I just thought he was a bit of an ass. I'm not going to swear on the radio, but I just thought he was not a nice person. I was really unhappy. My daughter was about one when I said to him, I want to leave, and he got really angry and he sat at the table opposite me and he said to me in a really nasty voice, he said, if you leave, I will take everything I can from you. Oh, wow. And I was like, oh, dear. Maybe I better get my house in order before I leave. Because we had, you know, we'd bought a property together and there was nothing in that to say the split, which was mainly, mostly mine. I put the money into the house, but there was nothing to say that. So I got quite scared, thinking he would. Would take everything I worked for and everything I brought into this relationship because we had no agreement to say who had contributed what. And the money that went into buying that house was mine, right? And so I was very unhappy, really unhappy. But at that point, we agreed to go to counselling, but the counseling didn't really last. It didn't really work. Why is that? It just came back. I remember. I remember the counsellor, really, of all the questions, of all the things the counsellor asked at that time was, do you. How do you feel about, you know, both of us? How. When. When you talk about your daughter, how does that make you feel? How do you feel about that? She asked us both the same question and we both answered, you know, that, you know, we feel love and, you know, we want to nourish her, cherish her, love her, protect her and that. And then she said, I pose a question. So you. How would you feel like you would want to cherish each other? And we both looked at each other and we were just like that. No, no. And we kind of realized that at some point along the way, we stopped cherishing each other. So she Gave us exercises to do, but we never really followed them through fully. And so it never really became, we never kind of implemented it into our daily lives, which we should have done. But the word cherish, and it's stayed with me ever since. It's like, you know, I want to feel cherished. Who wouldn't want to feel cherished? And I absolutely wasn't getting any of that from him. But, you know, I also had my son from my previous marriage and that part of the relationship was breaking down as well with him and my son. And that became very difficult. And I used to be so torn. I'd be going home crying, thinking, I just don't want to go home, don't want to go home, because I don't want to be there being put down, being told, I look, I eat like a pig. It got to a point where I stopped eating at the dinner table because I just wouldn't eat. I'd eat while I was cooking and then I'd serve up the food and I just sit with everybody and, and the kids would ask me, why aren't you eating? Are you not having any dinner? I said, oh, I, I ate. Well, I'm, I was cooking, I was too hungry. I couldn't wait. And it was just excuses and lies because I just couldn't take any more of the belittling and the insulting. And it was just like, you know, got to a point where you were kind of bit drained. Karen, this is an extraordinary subject because I guess that your friends or your family didn't really have a clue that any of this was going on inside your home. Or did they? No, no, I mean, I, I would probably, you know, mention it to my friends and just say, oh, you know what he said to me last night? But nobody, because it's not aware out there, this, this is, there's no awareness of this out there, that nobody ever, nobody, including myself, equated it to abuse. Abuse of any kind. You listen to Ingrid Marsh on women's radio station. We're here in Covent Garden supporting women's well being. Please don't forget you can engage with us on this topic more@presentersomenswradiostation.com after the boat, we're going to be talking to Karen Moore about emotional abuse. I do think this is a big old topic and I feel there's a lot more people going through this who care to admit to it. But if it's any consolation, I can tell you now, this woman is. We get to the second half of the show and I explained to you where she is now. You're going to be like, wow, you know, like, can a change come like this? And it most certainly can. Please do stick with us and you'll see. In fact, I've taken a note here where she said, she said I should get my house together. She certainly did get her house together. We're going to be explaining a little bit more about that. But once again, guys, just to remind you that emotional and physical abuse is not acceptable. There are lots of, there is lots of help out there. There's a 24 hour national domestic violence helpline which is 0808-2000-247. You can call on a 24 hour basis. And for men too, there's also help. There's a men that's free on 080-886-0327. Do stick with us. We're going to be speaking more to the wonderful Karen McNass. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. 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Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programmes, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station Supporting Women's Wellbeing and we're talking all things autism women. Welcome back, guys. My name is Ingrid Marsh and this is the Radical Wellbeing Show. We're here in our wonderful studio at Covent Garden. Couldn't have been a nicer place. We're supporting women's wellbeing and this, of course, is Women's Radio Station. We'd love you to engage with the show and to do that you can email us@presentersomenswadiostation.com I'm speaking to the wonderful Karen McNass. The topic for today's show is From Victim to Victor. So of course we need to be going there. How we can name it this, you know, where was the victory part at the end, But Karen went through not one, but two abusive relationships. One physical, one emotional. Something that we talk about less, I think, you know, it's hard to detect almost, isn't it, because it's one of the mind. But I know it's now part of law they've managed to bring into law in 2015, which is great news. Karen, thank you so much for being with us. Pleasure. Before the break, we Talked about friends and family, potentially not really having a clue about what was going on. No. But in fairness to them, not Ingrid, neither did I. You know, I just. I hear you, Karen. Neither did I. Yeah, for real. And it wasn't until the end of the relationship. And what ended it was we had an argument. He went out and he got. He went out to a gig. He came home really drunk, and we'd had an argument. And he got a bit physical with me. I say a bit physical. He got physical with me. And after my previous relationship, I had said to him, anybody who ever puts a hand on me again is gone. I don't care what. And that was it for me. And do you know, this might sound a little bit controversial. We love controversial. And I've only got here in the last probably four years. Okay. So this is not where I was back then. I am grateful every day for that argument and that he hit me because if he hadn't have done that, I wouldn't have had the push because I was stuck. And I believe that many women and people, men and women, stay because they feel stuck. I was afraid of how I would survive financially, how I would keep the house, how I would look after the kids, how the kids would react to a split. And it was my fear that kept me there. But that night, it was my fear of staying there that gave me that push that I needed to get out. And that was the end of our relationship. Well, they say, don't they, Karen, that we have to experience. Many are deaths sometimes. Yes. And it's before we can move on. Yeah. And that's effectively the death of it. Yes. And that's interesting with fear, because I feel sometimes that's what it is, isn't it? You've got to be. You've got to fear more where you are at than where you're going to end up. You're going to have more fear. We have no idea how much fear rules our lives. Oh, for real. We have no idea how much it blocks us from what we want to achieve, from how much it keeps us where we stuck. Fear is the one thing that keeps us from moving forward. And fear kept me from moving forward. I wanted to leave. Oh, how I wanted to leave, but I was afraid to. I was afraid I'd lose everything I worked for. And I was afraid of what would happen. And do you know what? None of them happened. Never does. None of them happened because it was quite sudden. You know, it was that night. The fight wasn't planned. That physical interaction wasn't planned but I made that decision there and then on that day, on that Sunday morning, I remember it very well. Remember the day well, remember it very the 19th of September. It was the 10th year this year. Oh, wow. Just gone the 19th of September. And I made that decision very quickly, very definitely that was it for me. I'm out, I'm out, I'm gone. And that's interesting because I was going to ask you, is it because that the reason, one of the reasons you stay? Because I wonder if I know people in this situation and I always feel that the reason they are staying because as women, our self worth is wrapped up in having a man, a house, a baby and blah, blah. Our self worth is defined by those, by that stereotype almost. And I sometimes worry that many women stay in these relationships because they worried about what people would say and these silly terms like broken home words I would like to get rid of. Did that play a part at all, Karen? Or was it, was it just how you explained that? It was just more the fear of losing everything. For me, it was more the fear of losing everything that I had worked for. But there are so many people who are afraid because you see, you know, a lot of these abusers will make you feel that nobody, you're worth nothing. You'll never get a job, you'll never have another partner, nobody will ever want you, your kids will hate you if you leave. And they make these victims believe this, you know, that they are nothing without them. And many people stay because of that. But the other key issue here, Ingrid, is, and it's one thing that I am so passionate about advocating and striving to educate and bring awareness to is financial independence. And I'm not talking financial freedom, talking about financial independence, because if you're not financially independent, it's far harder for you to get out. And we as women tend to rely a lot on the husband or the partner. Especially when we're mothers in a home situation, when we have kids and we have to stop working or we choose to stop working, that financial independence is lost. And so when it comes to actually wanting to leave, it's so difficult to find accommodation and a house or have anything if you don't have financial independence. I didn't have it. I worked, but I wasn't independent. I worked, but I couldn't survive. I wasn't in a position to survive without having a partner with me. Does that make sense? Indeed. So you can have a job and you can have a salary, but if you have a huge mortgage or you have huge outgoings, you are not able to take them all on your own, so you're reliant on somebody else to be there as a second earner. That's financial. But that's to maintain that lifestyle though, isn't it, Karen? Is that therefore a tie? It is, but the biggest problem I had or the biggest shock I had is, you know, I had owned a house for 20 odd years, but when I came to rent, I didn't have the salary to get the place I wanted. I didn't have a guarantor because I didn't have any parents here who were working or I didn't have anybody who could guarantor me to find somewhere. So when you're in a situation where you haven't, you can't be referenced for rent, you don't have a guarantor, you're left with social housing and that's it. And there's a waiting list for that. And the option on the waiting list is bed and breakfast or, you know, temporary housing. And when you've got children, that's not what you want for your kids. So it's really, really difficult. That's what I mean by financial independence. And yes, I know you, but I know the lifestyle you have to change and you have choices. We all have to make a choice. But it's the other stuff that goes against you as well. I hear you. Something says to me that still, excuse me, for people in that situation because it is so mentally destroying. And we know you did get out, Karen, and certainly after the break we're going to be talking about that, how you completely transformed your life. I mean, this is like reinvention, like no other, by the way, guys. So please do stay listening. But I still feel for how one could be destroyed by this. If it has to be social housing or all the rest of it, you can still come back from that, can't you? You can, but. But that's another reason why people don't go, right? Because this is the concerns that are going through their minds. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Listen to Ingrid Marsh on Women's radio station. Like I said, you can engage with us here@presentersomensradiostation.com and speak to the wonderful Karen McNass who went through two abusive relationships, totally transformed her life. We're going to be definitely talking about that now in the next section. I will give you a clue here. When she said much earlier on, I need to get my house together, she got many houses together. A complete transformation. Karen, you are truly a Badass and a truly awesome woman. Please stay listening. She's got some amazing tips for you. Was going to be talking about her new practice also, so don't Forget presenters@womensradiostation.com is how you can stay in touch with us. We're talking about abuse, we're talking about from victim to Victor, how you can absolutely change your life around. Do stay listening. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you doing extraordinary things. Women who have overcome huge obstacles in their lives, who are now here with me to empower you on the Radical Wellbeing Show. You'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being, women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter imminsradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Women's Radio Station. My name is Ingrid Marsh and this is the Radical Wellbeing show and we're here in our delightful studio in Covent Garden supporting women's wellbeing. We're speaking to Karen McNass. The topic today is from Victim to Victor. She suffered two abusive relationships and let's listen how she turned her life around. Karen, thank you so much for being with us. Thank you, Karen. So you said I should get my house, my house, house in order and you sure did. You then went on to own this from being worried about losing this property and all the rest of it from owning several properties, is that right? Well, I managed them, but yes, it took me quite a long time to get there. Ingrid, it didn't happen overnight. Thank you for saying that. Because I always want people to know that, you know, life is not like, you know, like you watch those films sometimes. It's like before and after and it's like that could be one hell of a rocky road. Before, after, it was quite a journey and you know, before I did that, I needed to get myself together and my. And sort myself out first because you can't really move forward or have, you know, be driven or successful unless you, unless you really work on, on where you're at and in your head and because, you know, 20 years in two abusive relationships is a long time to have to kind of get all of that stuff out of your head and get to a place where you can move forward and where you feel you deserve to move forward. Because bear in mind, when you come out of these, you don't feel like you deserve anything. So, yeah, it took me quite a while to get there, but I got there key Is that word deserve? You deserve more. Deserve to be cherished. Deserve to cherish yourself 100%. Okay, so now you're, and I always pronounce this wrong, I'm gonna say feng. Go on, I'll let you say it. I'm a feng shui consultant. Feng shui. I want to do it literally as a feng shui, which is. Am I the only one? You're not the only one. Tell us again. Feng shui. Feng shui. Oh, you say. It's so much more. Lovely. And how did you get into that? Well, it's been a real journey for me from when I discovered property and how to build, how, how to create a business in property. I loved that idea. I loved the idea of the freedom that property would give me. And so I started learning about property. But in that journey I started learning about so many other things. About self development, about mindset, about meditation, about well being, everything. I was like one of these kids in a sweet shop when it came to self development because I'd opened up this Pandora's box that I had no idea existed before, you know, in the, in the 40 odd years prior to this. And so I started discovering all these amazing self development techniques and, and workshops and books and I, I was just a bit of a junkie, self vent junkie, 100%. But it was all to do with supporting me in what I wanted to do. So I started the property business and I run a property management. And did you start the property business while you were still in that relationship? No, no, no, it's when you left. Oh yes, you left. I was long gone. Left. And then you started the property management business? I started my property management business four years ago. Right. I left that relationship 10 years ago. Right. So I, through the property I started meeting with lots of other people who were doing lots of other things and then I got interested in other things and so I built the, I was building my property management business, but that was allowing me to do the other things that I really enjoyed, like travel and gaining more knowledge, learning. I just love all the learning. And I discovered feng shui about three years ago and through a friend of mine and I had a feng shui consultation done from a very well known consultant and it got me really interested in how powerful it was. I started doing things in my house and I was really kind of amazed by what was coming up for me in my life. You know, I'd shift something and then what I wanted would appear and I'm like, whoa, wow. And so I got really Interested in that. And I studied it and I trained it myself. And yes, I've just come back from Kuala Lumpur from a four day feng shui workshop conference over there. And now I just, I would, I want to share it and help people create this life that they can have through using this very powerful technique. And what is it? Feng shui is about using the energy within your house. Energy is all around us and I don't know if you've ever felt you walk into a room and you go, it's a bit uncomfortable in here. But I'm what they call a bit of an empath. So I'm very sensitive to environment and that kind of thing. So you may walk into it could be anywhere, somebody's house, somebody's room, an office. And you don't feel comfortable in it. For no obvious reason, you just don't feel comfortable. And then you walk in somewhere else and you go, wow, I could just, just chill out here all day. And that's all to do with the energy. So what feng shui does is it harnesses the energy within your environment, whether it's in your work or in your home, to create a space for you to have better results in your life, whether that be in your career, in your health, in your relationships, in your wealth. So there's certain areas of your house that you can use more, you can activate more to create better, a better life. Now there'll be skeptics listening to this, of course, you must encounter them all said, oh come on, Karen, you can't move a couple of bits of furniture and I'm going to have better harmony and well being and health and all the rest of it, would you say to them, feng shui has been around for thousands of years and I, for anyone who, you know, if it doesn't work, it wouldn't be here still. And there are people who don't believe in it. And you know, I don't want to spend my life arguing with them. I would invite them to explore, you see, the other in all the work I do with energy and our well being and our mindset. What I've learned is that we as societies all over the world, individual societies, work within the confines of what we know. And we're very reluctant to go outside of those confines. But if we travel to other countries and we see other people living different ways of life and it works really well for them, just, you know, why wouldn't that work for us too? So if you're skeptical, I'd invite you to open your mind A little bit and explore. Because at the end of the day, what harm can it do? It won't do any harm to you. It'll only create good. And you don't have to believe it for it to work. You can actually create something without having. Without actually believing it. And I think sometimes we close our minds too much to something different. But it goes, it harks back to, you know, my situation 10 years ago. I knew no different. And I didn't think there was a way out. I had to be open. I had to open my mind for me to understand that there would be another, a better life for me. And it's the same with everything we don't believe in. I'd invite people to open their minds. Absolutely. And I love what you say, Ken. I'm a huge fan already. I've not actually done this, but I would. I think it's wonderful. And I say to people there are only a couple of things I think that really determines success. It's not actually what the world sort of shouts out at us. I actually feel environment is key. And I just moved my son to his university accommodation last week and I don't know if you saw my post on Facebook, but I was all about the environment creating that space where he can get in touch with his soul and his senses and the work environment over the other side. So I know that environment is key in terms of growth. What do you want to say to that? 100%. But it's also, you know, feng shui is goal orientated. It's a goal orientated practice. You have to know what you want in order for it to be of most benefit to you. If you come into feng shui and you don't have a clue, oh, I. I don't know what I wanted. I don't know what I want in my life. You have to know because otherwise it's not going to work. It's not going to work fully. Okay. So if people want to get in touch with you on this beautiful journal, what you're doing. And by the way, she looks beautiful. She has a really beautiful aura. But there's lovely air and aura in the room. So there's certainly something happening if they wanted to get in touch with you with your practice, how do they do that? Karen? I have a Facebook page. It's Mizar Feng Shui. M I Z A R Feng Shui. I'm starting a podcast. If they follow me on Facebook, they'll have notifications of when that podcast is going live. I have a website in development at the moment, which is mizarfeng shui.com and they can connect with me on Facebook. So that's where I'm most active. And every day on Facebook, I post the daily do's and don'ts, which is all to do with feng shui as well. The good days to do things and the bad days to do things. Now I need a quick. Can you give me three tips very quickly so I can. Yeah, yeah. Feng shui, they've got to be very quick. No clutter. Okay? Fix one thing at a time. Know the difference between internal and external. One last one. Sometimes it only takes the smallest of changes and that's all that's needed. And I think that's absolutely beautiful. Karen McNass, you are awesome. Thank you so very much. And I think that is beautiful. What a wonderful note to end that on. Sometimes it just takes the smallest of change for change to happen. And one of the things I picked up, I'm not sure if you do, guys, from the story that we've had with Karen was transformation and how transformation is possible, how change is possible no matter how heavy or how dark life may seem. And like Karen said, she picked up this really beautiful point. That fear, oh, it's just so tragic, isn't it? That it really isn't. It never is that bad. The box always seems heavier than it actually is. So you might say, like, I might say, oh, carry this box. But it looks really heavy. And then you pick it up and it's like, oh, that was actually very light. And that is always the thing with fear. It's never that bad. If we just shift a little bit, just a tiny little bit every day, magic happens because then the universe, the world, whatever you believe in will start working with you. My Duns. My name is Ingrid Marsh. You're listening to myself and Karen Mc Nass on women's radio station dot com. This show will air every day for a week, 4:30. So make sure you're tuned in with that double check. That's right, that because it's now gone for an hour, I'm here again next week with more inspiring, awesome women who are sharing their lives with us to empower you, to let you know that you can overcome those obstacles and you can live the life that you was born to live. Don't forget, you can email us here. Presenters womensradiostation.com My name is Ingrid Marsh and this is. This was the vadkawarbein Show. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism. We're the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproduction, health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you, doing extraordinary things, women who've overcome huge obstacles in their lives, who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5. Throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org. you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women. And we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostation, that's Womens Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes.