Trending With Dr. Pam Spurr – Lori Shemek, Jo Hemmings

Hello and welcome. I'm Dr. Pam Spurr and you're here with me on the men's radio station every Thursday on a fortnight for the trending with Dr. Pam show. Now don't forget, it's repeated on a Friday, 4pm on both the men's and the women's radio stations. Now you can follow us at all the usual places, all the social media platforms and of course, you can get involved during the live chat now on the Facebook and the YouTube channels. Now, usually we do trending topics with my first guest. However, I have the opportunity to go very deep on dieting and nutrition with my first guest. So we're skipping the trends and we're talking about the trends in the world of nutrition and health. Now she is a best selling author of four books including how to Fight Fat Formation plus the Beginner's Guide to Intermittent Fasting and also the Ketogenic Key. She is also a radio host, weight loss expert, recognized authority on inflammation. She's featured on countless TV shows and websites and is the Huffington Post's top diet and nutrition expert. And I'm delighted she's going to join me now on Twitter. She's Lori Shemeck. Hello, Laurie. And I'm just going to give you. Thank you for having me. And it's so wonderful to actually be talking to you. I know, I know because of course we've interacted on emails and messages and Twitter and I wanted to give out your website for everybody. Drlorishemic.com thank you. Now, how are things in Texas right now? Are you kind of all opened up? Yeah, we are opened up. We're ready to go. There are still a lot of people still wearing masks, et cetera, but mostly everybody's doing fine. You know, the weather, of course, gets very hot here and in, in the summer. And so now we're just about to head into the, the heat wave, if you will. And of course, my air conditioning went out last night. Oh, no. Did you get any sleep? Yeah, I did, you know. Okay, I'm glad to hear that. One of those things in Texas, I'm telling you. Yes. Oh my gosh. And then you get storms and all sorts of things like tornadoes and you name it. No earthquakes. I'm from San Francisco, so no earthquakes. Yes. That's the one thing Texas doesn't have. Now I've got to ask, you know, you have an incredible social media presence and you know, as a health expert, and what inspired you to go into this field? Well, when I was, I literally grew up with a mother who was not well, okay, she was sick most of her life. And so it was her poor health. She had one health condition after another. And literally, you know, her lifestyle choices really, I guess, accelerated that. And, you know, my focus is inflammation. And so she was just a walking example of what I do now is trying to prevent that. And so anyway, she died at the very young age of 36, leaving behind three young children with literally nowhere to go. And so, and I always like to bring this up only because if she had known she had different choice, she could have made different choices, then she would probably still be here. But my mother is not unlike many people who feel like they just don't have any choice in life. And so that's what I feel like my mission is here, you know, while I'm alive, is to help people really make better changes with their health. That's incredible. I mean, I'm obviously sorry to hear about your mother and passing so young, but the fact that you've now made something positive grow out of that with. With all the information you have and the research you do. Let me just say Helen has just joined and says, hey, Pam and Lori and how sad and how sad about your mum now. Thank you. Does that mean that maybe when you were a teenager that you. Maybe you also ate unhealthily? Because I did as a teenager. I mean, I was classic comfort food, you know, junk food out with the friends, milkshakes, fries and. So were you like that or did you learn really early on, I've got to make better choices? No, I. In fact, I was raised on, I don't know if you're aware of Cap' N Crunch. It's pure sugar cereal. Sugar smacks. Right? That was my breakfast. And yes, it was my breakfast. Yeah. And you know, and it was just candy all the time. I literally. I am a walking example of the miracle of the human body. Because if I can, you know, get out of that situation and become a healthy, vibrant adult, then anybody can. I'm not kidding. So, yeah, and it really led me into a sugar addiction into my early 20s, which I literally stopped at eating any sugar at all then. Wow, your early 20s now was. I guess we've known about, you know, sugar for a while. Did that, you know that. How kind of poisonous it can be. So in your early 20s, were you already engaging with that, that research then? Or just you felt, I will feel better if I don't eat sugary things? Yeah, that's a good question. I was very aware of health and nutrition My whole life, even when I was, you know, I knew intuitively my mother was making poor health choices. She was verging on obesity. She smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes a day, and her diet was comprised mostly of sugar and white flour, for example, coffee cake and coffee for breakfast in the morning. And so I knew that. And plus, she was under chronic stress, raising three young children all on her own. And so. So, you know, I just. I just knew that, you know, there were different choices for her to make. And then that led me into sugar addiction. And so I was aware and I stopped eating sugar only because of my research and my desire not to be unhealthy. Yeah, see, because, I mean, I was going to later. I've got so many questions. I've got the sheets and sheets in front of me. I was going to come to it later about my. And so we're going to dip into it now because you've talked about sugar addiction. What about people like myself? I eat a really good diet with, you know, grilled, you know, a lot of vegetarian grilled fish when I'm eating fish, you know, occasional meat. But my problem is I love chocolate. And. And I do have a chocolate bar or two a day now. Am I balancing or someone like myself, do I balance it with all the healthy things I eat or is this still a problem? Well, it depends on what kind of chocolate. So if it's 80% cacao or higher, you're good to go. It's really dark. It's dark, but it's very dark. Because if it's less than that percentage, then you're getting more sugar in your diet than you really need. And so I would also say even if it is one at the most is good. I would say probably half is best for that, because I have to say you've asked what kind and I have. Let me just reach behind me, Baby Ruth. I get cases of these because I absolutely love them. I know, I remember. Yeah. So that is an example of the type not to eat. Okay, I'm sorry. I know I have to give up. I do. Now, before we carry on, more about the sugar. Urban angel has joined and she says, I wish I had more education on sugar. My disability gets worse when I crave and eat sugary things. My pain gets worse when I have a lot of sugar, which is difficult as I have a sweet tooth. Now, you see, I. That's kind of me, the sweet tooth thing. So tell me what your impression of when you. Someone's saying their disability and pain gets Worse when they eat sugar, but they still crave it. Yeah. And so there are multiple factors going on here. We have inflammation that's happening when you ingest the sugar. Right. Immediately you, you have inflammatory molecules that are released. And so this sets up the body to defend something. Right. So that's why we have inflammation. And so when you're eating the sugar, your body's already raring to go. But what happens is it affects the vulnerable parts, let's say, of what's going on in your body. So whatever your condition is, it's going to make it worse. And say, for example, you have joint pain and you eat sugar and you're doing it excessively, it's going to, you're going to feel it probably in your joints. And so, you know, it's, it's also, you know, an addictive substance. It truly is. I was addicted to it and I got off it. And I promise you, if I can do it, anybody can do it. And so it's just knowing what to do and making a decision to do it. Right. Just saying, you know, this is, and it's with anything that is pulling you every day. So I always tell people if you're doing something such as sugar every day, then you are addicted to it. But with you, Pam, you have a very healthy diet. You're probably mostly insulin sensitive. Right. So that your body knows what to do with that insulin. But the fact that you showed me their baby roots means that there's too much sugar in your diet. So I was thinking more like, you know, the great, you know, inedible dark chocolate. For the most part, that's what I'm talking about. But yeah, I mean, but this is the thing, once you get off, really does go away. And it's okay to have it once in a while. Not a problem. Again, you're, you're insulin sensitive and your body knows what to do with it. But if, you know, when you eat it, if you knew all the things that were happening when you eat sugar, your immune system is depressed for hours immediately if you eat it. Really? I mean, how does it do that? Because of the inflammation in the body. So we have what's called cytokines that are released. I've heard of cytokines. Yep. Yeah. Immune, your immune system. Because it's inflammation. Right. And so this, this inflammation then becomes, you know, it depresses the immune system similar to anything that promotes inflammation in the body. You really are depressing immune system. And so, you know, again, knowing what to do is very important. Having that Insulin sensitivity is going to be a game changer when it comes to your health. And also something that happens when you eat sugar is called glycogen. It's a, I'm sorry, glycation, which means essentially, you know what those fried potatoes on the stove look like? The caramelization of caramel. Yep. That is a, an example of glycation. And that same process is happening within the human body when you eat sugar. And so scaring me, I think I need to stop the baby roots. And so it really does cause wrinkles and sagging skin. And it doesn't affect the tissue on the outside completely only, but on the inside of the body as well. And that's why, you know, you see people with diabetes, they tend to look, they tend to have age related diseases, not look, but they tend to have age related diseases. Or in some cases they do. And you know, it's just because of that circulating sugar constantly. Wow. Now Urban angel says, thank you so much for what you're saying. What do we do when someone like she and I have a sweet tooth? And even if we're trying to eat really well the rest of the time, what does that mean? Do we actually have a sweet tooth? Is it genetic maybe? Or is it just habit that we've had sugar regularly so we think we need it or something? Yes, it's not genetic. Okay. However, we humans are, our brains are wired to like sweet things. So that part is true. But it's become a habit. Right. So, you know, you probably have it every time either your blood sugar is low or you sit down in front of the TV or you're on, you know, your laptop or whatever those are. It's. We associate certain behaviors with certain environments, as you know, and so that's what's going on. And so what I tell people number one to do is eat the way you're eating, which is you're having protein and healthy fat at every meal and fiber. Okay? So lots of non starchy carbs is fantastic. And then when you're doing that, also add in with your doctor's approval. Chromium picolinate, it is a tiny little mineral that most people are deficient in anyway, and it helps stop craving within three days and carb cravings too, because what it's doing is it's balancing your blood sugar. And that's what I used to get off sugar. And it works. I mean, it's fantastic. Now can you just get that in the health food shop or chemist or drugstore, as you say in America, right? It's very inexpensive and it's very small. And so they generally come in 200 micrograms all the way up through 600. Depending upon your sugar cravings. You start out at 200 and then you can gradually, if it's not working, work your way up to 600 day. And it really is very beneficial. So when you have that and if you have a sugar craving. Absolutely. If you get them a lot, ensure you're hydrating. Because one of the symptoms of mild dehydration is a lack of water, is a sugar craving. Right. So a lack of water causes these sugar cravings. Also hits leave the environment, leave the room. This because again, we attach cravings to our environment. Right. And also decide, you know, make that decision that I talked about earlier. Do you really need this? Do you really want this? And of course you're going to say yes to want, but do you, do you really want to stick with what your original plan was is, yes, this is my decision, I'm going to do it. And you know, it's like I said, it's not a, this is it the end of my sugar. In my life, it's just a matter of becoming insulin sensitive. And then when that happens, then having every so often having a treat like that. Yeah, I mean, I have to say, I often, it's laziness. I'm on the run. Even, even doing Skype sessions. In between Skype sessions, I have five minutes, I think, oh God, I'll just grab one of my chocolate bars because I'm really good. Apart from this, Lori and I think you and I, you know, in different messages and emails before I've mentioned the sugar thing. And, and, and so for me, I guess it really. And in my book on emotional eating, I was telling people to, you need to find a substitute for those behaviors. And unfortunately, I haven't taken my own medicine, my own advice and haven't found a quick fix healthful snack that is actually good for you when you only have five minutes. You see. So do you have any recommendations? Well, yes, Spoonful of peanut butter. Sometimes I just do that. Absolutely. Peanut butter will stick with you for hours. Really. You know, one or two of those is a fantastic one. Nuts are another. But and also remember to plan and prepare. So that's what we all know to do, but we never do. Right. So it's really important to do that. I mean, if you do anything in order to succeed, you must plan and you must prepare to succeed. So, and that is true with health. And you know, I know that If I want some, say, chips or something, some tarot. I love those tarot. Have you ever had the tarot root chips that. I will not take the bag with me. Or nuts, for example, I will portion it out before and then do whatever I'm going to do with it. Yeah. Because if you. If you take the whole thing, and that's another thing, is to be aware of how much you're eating and what you're eating. Okay. Awareness is key because a lot of people will sit down and they'll just mindlessly munch away in front of the tv, and by the time they realize what they're doing, it's, you know, whole bag of cookies or popcorn or something is gone. Well, you're right then. And in my book, I do talk about television being a no snack zone. If you're going to have a snack, go prepare it in your kitchen and have it there. But if you take, you know, the big bag of chips or, you know, what we call crisps here, actually potato crisp rather than potato chips. Or if you take the whole, you know, box of biscuits, it's easy when you're watching TV to forget those things and you're just kind of hand to mouth without thinking, so. I am aware of that. Yeah. But really my downfall is, as we. As I said, was just when I have five minutes, I go, I've got to eat something and grab a chocolate bar. But no, you mentioned television, and I think that's a really. And I hadn't thought about that until you mentioned it is a critical time for people to be aware how much you end up snacking, you know, in front of the tv. Yeah. So it's like, again, be aware. Take steps to, you know, eat a healthier diet and plan and prepare. Make sure that, you know, sugar's out of the house or whatever. Your downfall is that, you know, you're gonna do an excess of. And I am not a big believer of. For example, if you suffer from binge eating, do not bring it into the house. Whatever your trigger foods are, no matter who you are. There is a faction of people out there that believe that if you do have binge eating or you overeat certain things, it's okay to have them in the house. And totally disagree with that. Yeah, I think I absolutely agree with you on that. Yes. I think it's just such a temptation, you know, for binge eating if you have a, you know, whole stock of the things you like to binge on. Jerry's ice cream is at the very back of the freezer, even if we hit it back there, we know it's there. So one day. Exactly, exactly. Now with things like I just want to. We're going to go more into inflammation, but just sticking with what we were talking about. Any other healthy, quick snacks? Like what about oat bars? You know, they seem to sell a ton of oat bars of different varieties in the uk. What do you think about those sorts of things? Do you have to be aware of hidden sugars or what you do? You must like read labels and I don't know if they have added sugars labeled on products in the uk, but they do. That's great because that way you can keep track of all the sugar you're ingesting. If it has added sugar, do not get it. Okay. That's my recommendation. Do not buy the product because again, we want to keep that inflammation glycation earlier down to a very minimum. And again, that glycation I was referring to also, you know, again, it's creating all that inflammation eventually affects how well you ate. I was just going to say you're cutting out a little bit. If you can restart that thought about glycation and. Yes. So be very aware of the amount of sugar that you're ingesting because it is that sugar that's causing the glycation. I recommended earlier. Yeah. Now what about people difficulties? Yeah, I mean, it is, but I got that last thought, so that's great. I think it's probably WI fi or something somewhere that the signal goes down and up. Now, what about people, we've talked about people with sugar cravings. What about people who crave here, you know, what we call comfort food of, you know, maybe like pies that are meat pies and things like that. Because some people crave that kind of food. I guess some will have hidden sugars in it. But what's your thought about when people crave that, like french fries, those kinds of comfort foods, as we call them. So I think what I want to start out with is recommend just two things if people do will optimize their health. Okay. So the first thing is to eliminate added sugar from your diet. And the second thing is to eliminate processed industrial cooking oils. Okay. And the reason if you do just those two things, you are literally optimizing your health immediately. Because what happens when you ingest these oils, you are harming the cellular membrane. And so it is this membrane that actually is where all the health happens. Right. It's where all the nutrition, the nutrients, everything and the matrix of the cell so you're stiffening that membrane so nutrients can't get in, and the matrix inside of the CE is becoming stiffer as well. So when you eat foods that are unhealthy like this, they're made with these oils, such as vegetable oil is what we call it here in the United States, canola oil, soy oil, I think you call it soya oil. So those are examples of very unhealthy, multiprocessed, smelly oils. But they have to deodorize these oils in order for the, the consumer to purchase them and use them. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And canola oil, which here in the United States has a huge health halo, is not. It is one of the most inflammatory oils out there. So extremely important to eliminate those oils and then replace them. Swap them out for avocado oil, coconut oil, macadamia nut oil, olive oil, even butter. Butter is excellent for your health. Okay. And we now know that saturated fat is a very healthy fat. Our cells need it. We absolutely need saturated fat in order to live optimally. And so. But, you know, check with your doctor if you have heart disease, you know, if you have high cholesterol, there's a certain genetic type of high cholesterol that, that the body can't clear it. So you want to be careful of your saturated fat intake. But having said that, removing these oils, for one, is going to absolutely upgrade your health right now. Fantastic. It's interesting what you say about butter because yes, for a time people were saying butter's bad, butter's bad. And then in the last decade or so, it's now, butter's good, butter's good. And I'm glad you said about the olive oil that olive oil is still considered a good oil to use because a lot of people, I wouldn't know where to get macadamia nut oil. I love macadamia nuts when I, when I get them occasionally, but. But I wouldn't know where to buy the oil. But olive oil is something we all have access to, right? So that's, that's good news. It's important that it's extra virgin olive oil and that you don't heat it too high a heat. All the other oils I mentioned can be heated to a high heat. And the reason that's important is because if an oil gets too hot, it breaks down and is immediately in an inflammatory oil. So you're ingesting an inflammatory food when it's not able to withstand the heat. And so, you know, duck fat is a perfect, you know, fat, if you will, for High heat cooking coconut oil again, avocado oil is excellent as well. So yeah. And then you want to, you want to make sure that you are taking care of your cellular health as opposed to just saying, oh, I'm just going to eat healthy. Right. You want to know that your cellular health is being taken care of because that is really truly the most important thing. Yes. Interesting. You've taken it down to that level, which I hadn't really sort of bought into that. But talking to you about inflammation in the cellular, you know, the development and how they're affected by, by what we eat makes, it makes sense. Now tell me, do you think it's a struggle for people to get good information? Because there still seems to be a lot of conflicting information about what we should be eating. What's good, what's not good, right? Yes, it is, it's troubling because a lot of times you have, you know, for example, some fitness trainers that decide to become experts in nutrition with no education or whatever. And that's just an example of what's happening online. Right. So you want to always make sure that the person that you're getting your information from is absolutely credible, has a history of being credible and that you also do your own research. And that is very important because, you know, if you see something that, that says, for example, you know, butter is unhealthy, you know, butter is bad for you, when we know the latest research shows just the opposite, that it's, it's going to, you know, promote a healthier gut. It's going, which means that you're going to be leaner when you eat butter and the list goes on because of the butyric acid that's being promoted with the butter. So you know, better gut health, that's key to everything right there. So when you have better gut health, it's affecting every single aspect of your health, your mental well being in fact, and your weight. Yeah. Now tell me more about inflammation and what foods promote, you know, wellness when it comes to avoiding inflammation as opposed to like sugar and the bad oils promote, you know, they mean you're going to excite inflammation in yourself. So what are the good foods? So the good foods are, you know, things that are very generally readily available. So you want leafy greens, for example, extremely important, will reverse inflammation in the body. That low level inflammation which most people are unaware of. They've heard the word, but they think it's sore joints, but it goes way beyond that. Right. Leafy greens, cruciferous vegetables, that means like broccoli and cauliflower and arugula, or rocket leaf, as they call it, and bok choy, radishes, mustard greens. These are all forms of cruciferous vegetables. Very. I actually recommend eating cruciferous vegetables most days of the week because they promote sulforaphane, which literally reverses inflammation in the body. Yeah, it's fantastic for you. And yes. Well, I was just gonna say, is spinach in that family? Because I eat a lot of spinach. Yes. Oh, yeah. Any dark leafy green is fantastic. And yeah, so spinach is in there. Romaine near the edge of the, you know, the darker the leaf is, the healthier it is. So just remember that. Yeah, but, yeah, and so we want berries. We want, you know, any type of BlackBerry, raspberry. They all the different colors all confer different benefits. So apples. So you don't want to eat like a lot of apples. Right. You just want some particularly the red and green. So the green is very good for gut health. Okay. They found that those who eat green apples tend to lose weight, reverse inflammation. The red apples have more sugar, so I would not eat too, too much of that red apple. But, but the red, that dark red in say, a Red Delicious apple is packed with polyphenols and very healthy for you. So go for color, as we all know, and then herbs and spices, turmeric, rosemary, you name it. Any herbs and spice, I always recommend adding to every meal. So you don't. And the best part is you only need a little bit in order to get this powerful anti. Inflammatory. Really? Because I, I'm. I was going to ask you about that now. I try and eat miso soup every day. Oh, wow. Yeah. With. With either kale or maybe spinach, you know, mixed in. And I also put turmeric, but I kind of put like at least half a teaspoon in. Is that too much? No, not at all. That's fantastic. Really excellent right there. Yeah. I would just add in some protein to that and you would have a beautiful meal, you know, a real balanced meal, because protein is very important and a lot of people were not getting enough protein. So it's, you know, the more it promotes muscle growth and the more muscle you have, it becomes a glucose depository. Right. So one of the, the, as I mentioned earlier, key markers of optimal health is insulin sensitivity. And when you have less sugar circulating in your body, which muscle will help you do, then you're healthier. Now Urban angel has said. Is there a book I can get to read about this over to you, Laurie. Yes, I have actually my latest book called the Ketogenic Key is really about different ways to achieve ketosis. Not necessarily the ketogenic diet however that's in there. But with either intermittent fasting, exercise or with nutrition. Right. Supplements. And so that's one way to do it. But my book how to fight fat Inflammation is literally reversing inflammation in the body that will help you your fat cells. I coined the term fat flammation so that people would understand that our fat cells are inflammatory. So what we want to do is create healthy fat cells so they release fat, the stored fat, the way a healthy fat cell is supposed to do. So all of this information should be in there for you and if not, you can always check out my website. It's packed with anti inflammatory and let's go back to it. Your website is doctorlorishemik.com yeah. And then on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, I'm always posting about reversing inflammation because that this underlying chronic inflammation is silent. Inflammation is the core underlying cause of most illness, disease, faster aging and weight gain. So it's really, if you're going to do anything to optimize your health and weight and brain health is to reverse that low level inflammation that most people have. 75% of Americans are walking around with low level inflammation like this and they don't even know it. Yeah, fascinating. Now I want, we've got so much to get through and we don't have a long time left. Intermittent fasting because you've written a book on this. Now I need to eat little and often, which is why I always have a miso with some vegetables at some point, like mid morning. I feel dizzy just the thought of fasting. I know people and I've had clients who successfully fasted. But what I are the guidelines that are the good guidelines for fasting. Well, this is the thing. So many people can fast effectively, but not everybody, right? So it's like the ketogenic diet or any the paleo diet or the gluten free diet. It depends upon your unique genetic expression, who you are, your metabolism, et cetera. And so there is no one type of person that can fast. There's not a general guideline really. But I do say that if you are female and you're 40 and over that you don't want to fast more than 14 to 16 hours a day. Okay. Because if you choose a fasting day, you just do 14 hours and you top and tail the day with nutritious food. Is that it? Yes, that would be Your first meal. So, you know, for example, I'm fasting right now. I haven't had a meal. And so that would be my next meal probably. What time is it? 8:30 here. So probably not until 11:30 or 12 will I eat and that. And, but this is the thing, I don't do that long, usually every day. So I'll do at least 12 hours a day. So do you count when you're sleeping then? So if you go to sleep at, you know, 10, 11pm the sleep time is that part of the fasting? It truly is. And that's the best part if you do it that way. Right. So let's say you want to fast for 12 hours. Your last meal is at 7, and the next meal, you're sleeping most of that time is breakfast at seven. Easy, right? Not a big deal as long as you don't get up and eat during the middle of the night or snack before you go to bed then. Because anything with calories will break a fast and that's the last thing you want to do. Not what you're not fasting then, right. You're not getting all those cellular benefits, all the weight loss benefits and et cetera. So yeah, it is a fantastic tool, truly, to optimize cellular health. Now, the longer you fast, the more benefits you accrue. But not for. To a certain point though. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. And so some people I know do the five, two where they have two days fasting, right? Yeah, and that's a great way to do it, actually. I wondered about that. But yeah, in every way is a great way to do it, really. It just depends on what works for you. So like on the weekends I do longer fasting and only because, as mentioned, it helps cellular health. Right. So I only do. I don't do it for weight, but I do it for optimizing health. And that's as good a goal as weight loss as well. And does this hark back to our ancient ancestors, the ancient men and women running around on the plane, the hunter gatherers who would maybe not catch anything for 24 hours. Does that hark back to that our systems were kind of built that way or what? Yes. And ideally, so what? Because, yes, we would have to wait in order to catch our meal. Right. To if, if maybe somebody didn't get a buffalo for, you know, three days. I'm just exaggerating her. But, you know, they weren't eating a lot. Okay. And so they were fasting and they didn't say, oh, today I'm only Going to fast for 12 hours. So it was natural thing for them to do. And so the thing about back then and for some people now is that they're able to switch fuel sources. So they've become, if you are fasting, you are leaving your sugar burning days behind you and you become a fat burner. Because once you, you're fasting, you're not promoting insulin, you're not intaking any food, any glucose is not circulating in your system, and whatever is there or in your liver, assuming you go for 14 hours or more, then you're utilizing all the glucose in your body. Right. Again, that harkens back to the glycation I was talking about. We're getting rid of all that excess glucose, which means you're getting rid of all that excess inflammation in the body. And insulin in and of itself is inflammatory. So every time that we eat or we snack, even if it's a tiny bit, we're boosting insulin. So. But that's okay. I mean, that's okay unless you're doing it, you know, chronically throughout the day. Now with the fasting, we only, we have very little time. So quick question. Does that include, like, if I, if I ever tried it, I could drink miso soup or something during it or do you have only water? Only water, coffee or tea without anything in it? Okay. Okay. Because remember, anything with calories will break a fast. And I think you have. Somebody wants to know about artificial sweeteners and sugars and things like that. Ditch the artificial sweeteners and the sugars, all of that. Opt instead for something called monk fruit sweetener or the new kid on the block is allulose. It benefits both. It promotes weight loss and just look it up. It's not an artificial sweetener. It's an actual sugar that is the flip mirror of fructose. But it's a very healthy zero calorie sugar to use. Well, we're out of time. We haven't even done emotional eating, which is my area nutrition. You know a lot about emotional eating too. And there was so much I wanted to talk about emotional eating. But I, I have to say thank you so much for your time, Roy. It's been incredible. I want to flag up to people again that on Twitter you're at Lorishemick, right? On instagram it is Dr. Laurie Shemec. And your website also, Dr. Laurie shemeck.com it's Dr. Laurie. Yeah. Okay. I've never been on Facebook, so I always skip that one, but thank you. Yeah, no, I've never. I had an imposter, imposter on Facebook, which I had to get them to get rid of. You know, delete the account where someone was pretending to be me. Yeah. You have a wonderful day in Texas and thank you so much for all that fascinating information. Thank you, listeners as well. It was nice. Oh, thank you. Bye bye, darling. Bye bye. So that was Dr. Larish, and she and I have known each other through emails and messages, messaging and Twitter for a very long time. But that's the first time I've interviewed her. Now I'm delighted that my next guest returns for her third time. She's a behavioral psychologist who's written many books and is always writing articles. She's been on countless television and radio shows and on social Media. She's at TVPsychologist and her website is johemings.co.uk and she's joining me now. Hello, darling. I'm so well and thank you for stepping in. It's. I was planning to have you back on the show really soon anyway. I realized I was down the list. That's okay. No, no, hey, you're not down the list for quick girly chats when we're calling each other twice a week, whatever. I know. I'm always happy to be on whenever I can. You know that. Now, I want to talk about general confidence boosting today. Now, you and I both do a lot of coaching I've had for all sorts of reasons. People talking about their confidence, maybe getting back with lockdown loosening, maybe their confidence has been knocked because they've been single this whole time and they feel like they're, I don't know why, there's a bit of an echo, but they feel like that, you know, they don't have the confidence to get back out there for proper dating. So those sort of issues, a confidence about going back to work in the next couple weeks, actually going into the office. And I wondered, are you hearing from a lot of people about these issues, too? I'm certainly hearing about anxiety. I suppose there's anxiety about going back into the office. There's anxiety that they haven't dated for a year, you know, particularly with my clients who very often, women in their late 30s who feel they've been robbed of a year of dating, you know, when they really need to meet somebody, you know, fairly fast for biological reasons, if nothing else. But I think that anxiety is turning into a lack of confidence. So if you preempt the way you're feeling those anxious feelings, it then turns into, well, I Don't know if I can do it, you know, I don't know if I can do it anymore because it's been so long or situations change. So then it does impact your confidence. So they're very, very closely aligned. And what is also closely aligned with confidence, of course self confidence is self esteem. Yes. Which ebbs and flows at the best of times. If we're going through a really good time in our lives, our self esteem is often very good. If we're going through a poor time in our lives, you know, broken up in a relationship or lost a job, it doesn't feel so good. Well, if you look at the past 15 months, everybody's self esteem on that basis has been impacted because to really do very much about it and it's left us feeling miserable. And I think as part of that feeling miserable, self esteem taken a blow our confidence, you know, even the outward feelings of confidence. I mean, I'm not looking out. Still looking quite scruffy today. You're looking smart. You don't look scruffy. That's great that. But you know, again, if you get out the habit of something like the idea of getting dressed up now to go out. I think I've done it. I've seen you once. I've done almost feels like a huge big thing I've got to do. It doesn't feel natural anymore and therefore I don't feel that confident. I'm more confident slopping around in the kind of lockdown kit that, that I'm used to. So it's even things like that. So the first thing I would say is, you know, you've got to get out of your comfort zone. You have to do some of those things that you fear because being fearful is the worst thing. So make yourself do it. Do something not huge and dramatic, but just something where you feel, you get that sense of achievement, you know that you can do it. Be honest about the fact that you're not feeling that confident. You know, share it because you'll be amazed at how many other people will feel exactly the same way. And that in itself resonates, you know, the feeling that it's relatable to other people. They get it, they feel it. You don't feel quite so isolated in that, in that lack of confidence. I was going to say in the last year I've had my own confidence ups and downs. You know, I lost a friend last summer who passed. Not from COVID I lost my mother in law Christmas. On Christmas Eve she passed. And even though I know all the tools that I help people with my coaching. It doesn't stop a coach or psychologist as we are, from feeling, wow, oh my gosh, can I get through Christmas? You know, I was so bereaved. I loved my mother in law dearly. I was blessed with a lovely mother in law. And I look back at the time, I think, wow, my foundations really felt they were shaken up. And I think a lot of people have had loss this year and loss is a real damaging influence on confidence with so many people having lost loved ones. We are human beings, we are not machines. So when we deal with a lot of other people's grief or their stress and their concerns over the last year, yeah. There are times when I think, I don't know if I can do this. There are times when I've curled into a little ball at the end of the night, usually with a glass of wine, just having a bit of a wee, because I just don't know how, you know, it's like stepping off a precipice into an abyss. Sometimes you push yourself so hard you're not quite sure whether you can make it to that final point. So that. So I think everyone's had that sort of feeling. I mean, I'm a big believer in fake it till you make it. I, I am too. Sometimes you just gotta say, I'm gonna look like I've got my posture, my dress, my appearance, my presentation. I, I know how to talk to people. I'm gonna do it. And nobody knows what's going on inside your head. No one can see inside there. They just see what you are choosing to present to the world. And once you get that validation, if you like, of other people seeing a supposedly confident person, it sort of feeds back into your brain. And so that makes you feel better about yourself and so your confidence goes up. So it's a good little cycle to get into. Yeah. And I think the point you made about people feeling like they're jumping off, going to fall off a precipice almost, because it's all been so bizarre the last 18 months. I mean, one thing I'm always recommending is, you know, set a small goal just to get yourself moving again, to find the motivation to complete that one small goal which will take you forward in whatever you're having to do Facebook again in real time, not on Skype, or get out on the dating scene. So it's one goal at a time. I was just date coaching someone recently and I'm sure you'll identify about this. She wanted to go on, like, five different apps, and I'm like, no. To make up for this is no. It's gonna overwhelm you. Start with one that seems the most relatable to you and who you're looking for. And so it is kind of clawing back to just these small steps, which I think can go a long way. Yes. It's managing your expectations, really. I mean, if you give yourself, you know, a huge, overwhelming goal, the chances are you will not succeed, then it's. It's unrealistic, it's unachievable, and we'll just plow deeper into your lack of confidence. And as you say, yes, I've had dating clients do the same. You know, oh, gosh, I've been off for a year. You know, I'm gonna go on all of them. I'm gonna, you know, love bomb every dating app around because that's the best way to do it. But of course it isn't, because none of them get proper attention, and you end up feeling overwhelmed by that. It doesn't work for you, and your confidence drops again. So, yeah, small, as you say, small, achievable goals, realistic expectations. Because the one thing that helps with confidence, as you know, is a sense of achievement. It's a sense of knowing that you can do it, you've done it. So make it small and achievable. Tick that one off. Exactly. And again, you know, write down some of the things you're good at. We're very, particularly British people, I think, are very good at self deprecation. We're very good at remembering our failures and not thinking about our successes or what we're good at. We find it much easier in SWOT analysis, for instance, to say what our weaknesses are than what our strengths are. And I want us to turn that one around. I always say to people, you know, what are the strengths? What have you got to offer? What do you like about yourself? And they struggle with it with lack of confidence. Much more. So they can give me a whole list of weaknesses, but they find it difficult to give strengths. But that's important. It is really important. In fact, I was going to raise this with you about our inner voices, our inner monologues. And confidence can. It's very hard to fight if you're allowing that little devil on your shoulder to go, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're no good. You know, you can't. You're gonna have. It's gonna be terrible when you go back to work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And to Turn it into, you know, a softer little angel that goes, what's the first step you need to do? And then you can do that. And I just think what you've said just made me think about how many people need to recognize that inner monologue. They just don't. They. Until they're conscious of it. The inner critic. The other thing I've noticed that's increasing a lot in my clients who have gone back to work, beginning to get back to work is imposter syndrome is the feeling that they're not actually really capable of doing this job anymore, that they're going to get caught out, someone's going to find out they're not really. They haven't ever really been that good, and now they definitely aren't. And that's because they've had so much time out that they've lost their confidence and their ability, and so they've turned it back in on themselves to feel that they're the ones at fault, you know, that. That they're doing something wrong. So, again, I always say, you know, just, you know, defy your, you know, impostor syndrome, because that has just come out of a situation you couldn't control. This is. Doesn't make you bad at your job, does not make you. No one's going to catch you out doing anything. Probably everybody's in the same sort of situation as you. Again, share that, share your doubts, learn, hear other people's, and you can go on that journey together, you know, with colleagues, if that's possible. I think that's important for people. Funny enough, I was. I did an interview about imposter syndrome. I don't know what that weird glitch we've got going on, but I hope I can manage it by not getting maybe too near my mic. But I was talking to someone on this show about imposter syndrome and the fact that it's often high achievers who actually are doing really well who feel that way inside. So they're often the ones who will beat themselves up the most. And it really is about actually looking realistically at what they have achieved and what they can achieve, rather than through the filter of this sense of I'm an imposter, stripping it back and kind of saying, as you said at the top, what are my good qualities? And what are the incidents of me doing something well at work and just forcing themselves to look at the truth, that they're actually good at it and can do it. But I thought it was really interesting that people with imposter syndrome Are often high achievers, see that they're good at what they do. They've been impacted particularly badly actually in the last year or so because these are people who are used to getting success after success. They used to, you know, incremental achievements quite rapidly in their careers. Well, that pretty much stalled. So without that, again, that felt like a validation to their roots to further success. When that stripped away because of circumstances beyond their control, they then start to internalize and say, am I not really any good at this? Then you know, is this why I'm not getting further success? No, you're not getting further success because everybody's had to stop working and you're not in an environment where that's possible for anybody. So I think it is quite often those people who are used to a meteoric rise, if you like, to success, that and those and constant steps furthering their careers that don't necessarily have the perspective immediately to look at it and say, actually that's not something I've done wrong. It's just everything's been, the pause button's been pressed, you know, almost universally so it couldn't have happened anyway. That whole thing about it being beyond someone's control. It's interesting when you look at personalities and how some people can recognize, well that's beyond my control. But then you get the control freak sort of personality type who says, no, no, I should be able to control all this. You know, I should be able to control the pandemic. It's a real spectrum, isn't it, when it comes to that sense of being able to let go and saying, no, I shouldn't worry about this. It is beyond my control. To the people who fret about it and keep fretting about it. I mean that has been difficult for some people. Actually they've been almost the reverse and actually really enjoyed it. Freaks who no longer feel the pressure to control because they can't control have sort of thought, I can't control this. So I feel okay. And now it's getting worse and I've got to stay home more and whatever, you know, I, you know, they're losing that freakery of control. I think people have reevaluated themselves. I think a lot of people are and we need to, yeah, life is different. Some people a favor of confidence in how they behave. I think, I mean, tragic though it is, I don't think there's anybody who hasn't had some self awareness change, epiphany, a moment or a, you know, just a period of time where they Reflected because they've been simply too busy to do it before. And that's left some people feeling less confident and other people feeling more confident. And so I think, again, that spectrum of confidence and what you might have expected it to be like has come as a surprise to many people, for good or for bad. It's interesting you say that because so often people say to me, oh, don't you find everybody who you coach, whatever, has the same sort of issues? And I. And I go, they might have the same issue in that, let's say they're single, looking for love, but they have a very different story. And everybody sees these things differently. And you can never kind of char and feather everyone with the same, oh, they're single and they've had a whole year of dating. And they're all going to lack confidence because what you say is absolutely right. Some people have evaluated what they've. The time they've had off this year and actually come up with cognitive sense, you know, jobs. They want to change careers. They, the ones who were out there for casual relationships want commitment. Those who want a commitment thing, to hell with that. I'm going to go out and have, you know, a hot girl summer, you know, So I think it's changed. I say the one thing that I think is consistent has been couples. During this pandemic, I've done more relationship counseling for couples than ever before. And although all their situations, all their, their issues, I would say, are different, the situation has been they've been together 247 and they didn't sign up for that. And it's exposed flaws that perhaps wouldn't have ever appeared in relationship. So again, that makes them lose confidence in themselves as a couple. Can we still work? We seen, you know, really bad flaws in arguing and incompatibility and all sorts of things that they hadn't ever seen before. Does that mean they can't carry on? They. And they lose confidence in their relationship. And again, some people will fall by the wayside as a result of that. And others, you really seek to kind of make sure that, you know, that they do manage to stick together. It is through the thick and thin. Richard Poorer, you know, been a very testing time. Well, it's interesting you mentioned that. Gosh, everything you say, I think is interesting. Because I was just talking about the rise, the vast rise in inquiries to divorce solicitors or, you know, people who work in that arena has been quite staggering in the last month or so. And how many people have felt it's been a real split. Those who have felt we've deepened our relationship and those who have lost complete confidence in it because they've been thrown together in a way they didn't expect. And as you say, it's resulted in flaws being exposed. And, I don't know, I always feel with people like that who had been ticking along, okay, it may well be worth saving. And what they kind of need to do is strip back to basics again and remember why they fell in love, what they loved about that person. How can they reclaim some of that positive energy? Just throwing it out the window. Clients all the time, you know, go back. Go back to memorabilia. Go, you know, have a date night. What was it that worked for you? What has worked for you all these years? You know, that is the knob, the core of your relationship. What's been going on in the last year you cannot have controlled and. And has thrown you into a place that perhaps you didn't deal with brilliantly. And others, of course, who don't come for counseling or don't go to relate or don't do whatever, just think, well, let's go towards the divorce course. So you've got people who either decide, well, at least let's check it out and see if we can get somebody impartial that will advise us, you know, a good journey to follow. Or they'll. They won't, and they'll just say it isn't working. And I think there will be some couples who will regret their divorces because we have gone through the most extraordinary period of time. One hopes it will never happen again, but, you know, you've got to take that into account. Well, absolutely, totally agree with that. Now it's time to say goodbye. And I want to highlight for people listening, Your website is johemings.co.uk.com your Twitter handle is @TVPsychologist. I want to thank you so much for all your wise words, Jo. Speak to you soon. And I want to thank everybody who's listening. A reminder that it's repeated tomorrow on both the stations. Thank you. Look after yourself until the next time.