Trending With Dr. Pam Spurr – Mark Franks, Sam Tomlin, Tarin Calmeyer

Hello and welcome. I'm Dr. Pam Spurr here with you on the men's radio station every other Thursday on the trending with Dr. Pam show. Of course, the show is repeated on Fridays on both the men's and the women's radio stations at 4pm don't forget to follow us on all social media platforms and of course the websites, which are dot com websites. Now today I have some fantastic guests. I'm absolutely delighted that I'm going to kick off with one that I have had on before, but when he was part of his band. So my first guest is a musical artist and a mega DJ remixer under the name of Rescue Rangers. He's remixed for the likes of Pink, can you believe it? And he's part of the multi platinum selling group the Overtones. You can find him on social media official MarkF and the Overtones, which is Heovertones. And of course their website is TheOvertones. So Mark should be joining me just about now. Hello. Hey, how you doing? I'm so happy you could stand in for Jay. I mean, what better company? I can just give Jay the elbow next time and you can come on, now we know who's important. No, I know you really wished he could be here, so I'm glad that I could step in at the last minute. Well, it's fantastic you could. Helen has already said, hey, lovely lady. And Mark, hello. So you're already getting the love. Thanks, guys. Now we've got so much to talk about. We're going to kick off first with some of the Overtones news and, you know, generally, how are things? Because you guys have exciting times. You've smashed the charts with your latest album, 10. So tell me all about that. Yeah, it's been a bit of a whirlwind really. We released the album just over two weeks ago now and yeah, the response has been absolutely amazing. I mean, to think that we, you know, we spent probably around two years, you know, on this album, the longest I think we've ever spent recording an album, to be quite honest. And, you know, so there was all that anticipation really in the build up, you know, put all this hard blood, sweat and tears into this sort of labor of love and how are people gonna react? And the reaction, like I say, has been astonishing. Like, you know, and we're loving it, you know, for us it's, you know, alongside everything else that we get to do in this crazy career of ours, like creating the music, being in the studio, you know, putting a body of work together and then delivering that to the fans is the most exciting thing, you know, alongside touring obviously as well. But yeah, so we couldn't be more happy. I've got a dreadful cold, but that is incredible. And Helen says it's absolutely stunning. Oh, thanks, Helen. Appreciate all your support. Helen's been a great support of ours for, for a long time now. So. Yeah, thank you, Helen. Well, if you could keep talking about it. Yeah. Oh, Dr. Palm. Yeah. So we're basically. This is our. Just for those of you that don't know, our album's called because it's our 10 year celebratory album, basically we've. We're calling it sort of Songs from Our Past, Our Present and Our Future. We've reimagined some of the classics that we're quite well known for, including an original that we launched our career with called Gambling man, which we've re recorded in a more kind of, sort of dramatic James Bond kind of style. And there's a great video that goes alongside that single. And then, you know, we've been lucky enough to collaborate on this album as well with the likes of Michael Ball, who features on Can't Take My Eyes off youf. Oh, no, no problem at all. Yeah. So it's, you know, it's a real, a real treat for us to say that we've got the likes of Michael Ball on that and also Marisha Wallace who's a real, I say up and coming, but she's, you know, she's very well established in, you know, on Broadway and in the West End and now she's a recording artist and she features on our remake of Simply Red Stars. Yeah, it's not coming from my end. I don't think. It's not coming from my end. That strange. I'm just coughing. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Now, I, I've tested for Covid. It's not Covid, but it's like the worst cold annoying you can get on the Voice. Yeah, I've got a cough. Sweet, but okay. Keep drinking that water. Yeah. Do you. Have you seen all the messages coming through? Well, you've put a few up. Let me see if I can tune into the comments here. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hi to Charlotte Miles. How you doing? Holly is coming to see us this Saturday at Warner. We're performing live at Warner Leisure Hotels on Saturday night. Which is amazing because it obviously it's been, you know, we've been in lockdown for so long and it's only more recently that we've been able to go out and actually perform live and get on the stage and see the fans. And so we're so excited about Saturday, as is Holly. So we'll see you there. Quite a few people come into Warner on Saturday, so should be a really good night. And hopefully you won't have people coughing in the audience. Well, it won't be the first time, to be fair. I knew this was going to happen. I have a cough suite ready. I lost my voice last night. I'm losing it now. Again, just a quick cheeky one. You say the album took so long. Was that because Jay was dragging his feet? Do you know what it was like? Obviously, the lockdown situation didn't help and we were lucky that we could, you know, we got to work virtually with our producer, you know, and when we could, we were in and out the studio. But in a way it kind of afforded us a bit more time to sort of reflect on the body of work we were creating. Like, you know, this was really important to us, this album. It's our seventh album, but not only that, it's our sort of ten year milestone, if you like, so we needed to get it right. And actually having a bit more time to think about song choices and arrangements and also to write some, you know, cracking originals as well was a bit of a luxury, actually for us. So obviously lockdown's been really, really hard for lots and lots of people, us included, you know, to, to. To a certain degree. But we were, you know, in a way, that was one of the. The positive things, if you like, that came out of having that extra time to focus on our music that, that. Yeah, absolutely. I think a lot of artists found that. I was going to say we have a lovely clip to play. Okay, maybe I can cough my head off during the clip. Good on it. Producer Sina is going to bring up the clip for us. Great. You can tell us about that, Baby Just to let me down and mess me around I'll be there to love and comfort you I love you, baby and if it's quite all right I need you, baby. Always better when you're driving off we going to make this a night to remember. Oh, that's fantastic. A taste of everything. Yeah, A little, little cheeky look at. Well, there's a lot of songs there that are obviously on the album, including Gambling man, which I talked about before, but got a little clip there of the video that we actually recorded during lockdown. We were lucky enough, obviously all Covid safe to get into a studio. And, yeah, we were so pleased with how that turned out, and it was a great way to launch the album. That was the first track that we previewed from the album and. Yeah. And then we. More recently we've released a second original track called Rose Tinted, which we wrote. Yeah, it's such a summery track and because of that, we thought it'd be really good fun to have a bit of a summer's day out in London. So we hired some rowing boats. I've got a frog in my throat now. I think I've got sympathy cough for you. Let's cough together. What can we do? I've never had such a raging summer cold before, so. Yeah, so with. With Road Tinted, the video, we had some classic cars, some rowing boats, and it was a bit of a day in the life of the Overtones, if you like. Not that we spend every day on the river, but it was lovely, lovely to do that. And also we ended up, like, stripping down to our boxes and like, diving in the Thames. So get your fans excited. I don't know how I got persuaded to do that. To be fair, that wasn't in contract. Oh, I love it. It just sounds like it was so much fun. Yeah, it was a great fun. Can you tell me when you guys are recording or rehearsing, who is the one who mucks about the most? Do you know, I've got to say, we do get asked this a bit and every time it's the same answer. It's Darren, Darren Everest. He's a little naughty boy and he's just really cheeky and he's got the concentration of a goldfish. So, you know, any excuse to lark about. But, yeah, it keeps us all entertained. I love it. There always has to be one, doesn't there? You know, especially if things are stressed and, you know, they take kind of the stress away by mucking about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, actually, it's really important to have fun, isn't it? And, you know, we've been doing this now for over 10 years, so for us it's really important to keep it light and to enjoy what we do and to have fun. Because at the end of the day, the music that we're recording is feel good music. And, yeah, so that's what we like, to spread the feel good. So you've got the main tour coming in the autumn, is that right? Yeah, well, yeah, winter. So November, December. Okay. We're going to be on tour Kicking off on the 9th of November, I believe, in Halifax, I think we're starting, and then we're like the letters and breadths of the UK and. Yeah. So London, we're performing at the indigo at the O2, which. I love that that's where I saw you two years ago. Oh, brilliant. Yeah. Big venue, isn't it? Really good, because. Well, I think it helps that it's got a bar as well, so people always have a few drinks and. And we always say, like our tours are like one big party. So. Yeah, you're totally right. That venue really lends itself to having a big old night out. Yeah. Because you. There's room to the side of the aisles to dance. Yeah, yeah. Victoria and I were up dancing when we saw you two years ago. It was fun, actually. From our point of view, you can really see everyone as well, so it really feels like you're interacting. And yeah, we love performing there, but we get to perform at some stunning venues as well during the tour, like the Birmingham Symphony hall, which is like so iconic and every week we. We've been performing there now for, like I say, for over 10 years. But it never gets old. Like stood on that stage and just seeing this absolutely gorgeous theater in front of you, like, you know, we're very lucky boys and we don't take it for granted, that's for sure. Now that I've slightly got my voice back without coughing, Anne Marie says, such an amazing album. How was Swimming in the Thames? Well, it was cold. Admiring. I'm not going to lie. I'm probably not the cleanest either, but never mind. But we won't dwell on that. And we've got Claire saying she can't wait, Mark, for the tour. We've got a couple people saying, hope you get well, Pam. Oh, yeah, get well. See, Pam, Helen's saying Jay's just as bad as Darren. Yeah, Jay's a little tinker as well. We all have our moments. Jane says there ain't no party like the Overtones party. And Josephine's so excited for the tour. That's it. And Lindsay, the. The Tuesday Takeovers and Sunday Socials have helped during lockdown, so that's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and it helped us as well, you know, to, to connect. Like, I mean, I know we talked over lockdown, Pam. Like it's, you know, it was so important for us to, to keep that, not only keep that connection with our fans, but also, you know, it's, it really is a two way street for us. Like they really helped us, you know, keep our spirits up and. Yeah. And stay connected during lockdown. Now, I wanted to say You've got. So the tour is more of a winter tour and I thought you had been doing, were they kind of rehearsal gigs. I thought you already had some gigs that you'd done, even though the main thing's coming in winter. Have there been anyone? Yeah. So, like I say, we've got. We've got a gig on Saturday, which is at the Warner Leisure Hotel, which we've been lucky enough to perform there over the years. And then also we. We did some really intimate gigs actually around the launch of our album. So on the day of release a few weeks ago, we performed in Bournemouth at this really small club and we sort of capped the capacity at 100. And it was so much fun because we've never really done that before. And actually the last time we did do that was when our very, very first tour in 2010, we did like a small club tour and it really felt like we'd come full circle and it was really great just to, you know, you could see it was so intimate. You could see everybody and you could sing along with everyone. And afterwards we got to kind of like have a few drinks with the VIPs that were there. And, yeah, it was a really great night. Like, I'm looking forward to doing a few more of those intimate gigs in the future. That's so cool. And I've been to a couple, like, album playbacks before where they're very, you know, tiny. And so like, you go out just like in a haze of endorphins. Because it's so exciting to be in one of those small, kind of intimate gigs, you know? Yeah, just like a real kind of exclusive feeling, too, because, you know, I've been like you, I've been to some album launches and, yeah, there's just a real buzz, isn't there, about, you know, you're hearing these new songs for the first time performed and you're all celebrating together, like the release of a new album, which is, you know, for us at least, is a really big deal and really exciting. And let's see, Josephine says the album launch gig was such a special night. She was so happy to be there. Yeah, yeah. As we're talking, you know, I can't believe how time has flown. I coughed halfway through all of it. Apologies for that. I can't help this raging cold. I haven't had a cold for months either. It had to happen just before my show. I just wanted to talk to you about a couple trending things, and one is about creativity. World Photography Day is trending today. I see you have art on your walls. When are you going to have one of my paintings on your walls? Is that an offer I can loan you, you can promo it and say, this is my Pam, but no creativity. I mean, obviously your whole occupation is creative. You know, with music. How important do you feel it is for people who, you know, it's not their occupation, but to actually be a little creative? Maybe go out and photograph or draw or paint. I know Helen. Lovely Helen. Doodles. Fantastic doodles. How important do you think that is for a person's well being? I think it's extremely important. Like, I mean, because at the end of the day to do something that you feel passionate about, it's almost like I always feel like it's a bit of a workout for your mind in a way. I, you know, you mentioned before, like, aside from the Overtones, I remix songs for other people and that's a real passion of mine. And you know, something that started off as a hobby and you know, over the years I've developed my skills, but is something that I just, I just get lost in it. Like, you know, as soon as I get my keyboard out and I'm, you know, working out, sort of, you know, remixing a song, you know, I come out the other end and I feel like I've had a. Yeah, it sounds strange to say, but it is almost like workout for your mind because you've, you know, you've, you've been doing something that you're really excited about. That it really kind of, it's really energizing, I think, to follow your passion. So like you say, even if, you know, you might work in a job, and we're very, very fortunate to do, to do something for a living that we absolutely adore doing. But that isn't always the case and hasn't always been the case for me either. So it's really important to have that hobby and that passion on the side, I think. Definitely. Yeah. So, yeah, I feel it's so good for someone's well being because what you said, your words, I get lost in it. And I think if you've got, you know, a job, maybe you're not happy in your job or maybe you're, you know, looking for a job and if you can do something as a hobby that you get lost in because it just taps into the creativity, I think all of us in some way have creativity, whatever it is. Yeah. And I think that's so crucial. And what you said, getting lost in it, it just gives you that time out from the Stress of the world, you know. Absolutely. So important. Yeah. You know, sometimes I wake up, you know, if I'm working on a project, like a remix project, I wake up in the morning and it's kind of the first thing I think of. I'm like, I can't wait to get stuck into that project today. And it, you know, it. Like I say, it's just. It's something that motivates you and energizes you. So, yeah, it's really important. Yep. So Helen has said yes, she's a doodler. And Marie says she has creative dreams. And Charlotte says, my daughter just got an A star in her art gcse. Congratulations, daughter. Awesome. Yeah. So it makes the soul happy. It totally keeps my mind away from worries. Yeah. People are agreeing. And I don't think we've. As a country, I think we've only just come to this recognition of how important finding something creative to do is for your mental health. It's only something quite new here. I mean, I've been promoting art therapy for years, but I felt my voice was very, very toug. Tiny. And now a lot of people are doing that and. And it's just brilliant, you know? Yeah. I suppose, like, sort of general, you know, general mental health is an issue that's only come to the forefront, I mean, in, you know, very, very recently, isn't it? So. And obviously that encompasses, like, you know, having a hobby and finding something creative to do. Yeah, yeah. Now, the other thing, I've only got time to run one more trend past you with all the trending things. Little mix. Ten years. Ten years, like the Overtones also trending. Tell me, do the boy tend to support each other or is there almost more rivalry between the boy and the girl bands? Do you mean, like, within the. Within the band or like industry within the industry? Boys versus girls against each other? Like the boy bands got. Oh, no, there's girl bands. Yeah. It's a funny one, isn't it? Because I feel like back in the day, it used to be all about the boy bands. I'm talking, like, sort of the early 90s. And, you know, thank God for the Spice Girls coming along and kind of, you know, just a bit of girl power, because it was very dominated, I guess, by those boy bands. And I think the Spice Girls came along and addressed the balance and. And from there on, we've had some amazing girl groups, so it seems like a lot more of a level playing field now. And if anything, there's kind of more girl bands, I'd say. Than boy bands. But whether they've ever rivaled, I don't know. I feel like the rivalry has always been amongst, you know, like for, like. So a girl band versus a girl band or a boy band versus a boy band? You know, back in the day, there was like, there was a group called E17 and they rivaled Take that. And, you know, that was always splashed all over the papers and they all hated each other and I don't know how true that was. But, yeah, it seems to be within, like. Yeah, within the girl band versus girl band and boy band versus boy band, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. I was wondering what your take would be on that. Well, listen, it's been a pleasure to have you. Thank you for standing in for Jay. Let me get out. You're on Twitter, you're at official Mark F. The Overtones is at the underscore under Overtones. And then your site is TheOvertones TV so people can find out about gigs and. And your album. Yeah, smashing it in the charts. Amazing. Thank you, darling. Lots of love. Yeah. And to you, feel better. Thank you. Bye bye. Hello. So that was Mark Franks and now my next guest, I hope she doesn't have a cold so we can be coughing at each other, is a parent partner for the National Autistic Society and an ASD mum that's Autism Spectrum Disorder. She's also a model and actor on social media. She's on Twitter and on Instagram, she's Ms. Samantha Tomlin. And I'm delighted that Sam is going to join me now and she can do some of the talking. Hello, darling. You know me. Hello, darling. Until you tell me to stop, I'll keep going. But I have to assure you that my youngest has had it now for four weeks and, you know. No, no, no, no. The cough, the cough, it's not. You haven't got Covid. You haven't got it. I've been taking lateral flows and I don't have Covid. I keep running it, Henry, with the lateral flows. I'm like, let's do it again, let's do it again. You must have it. And he absolutely hasn't got it. Tina's had a cough for two. That said three weeks now. Same thing. It's getting worse and worse. She actually went for a PCR test and hers negative. They just said there's this horrific cough going around at the moment and everybody thinks they've got coronavirus. So it's sort of. I'm quite liking it, really, because it means that people are sort of, you know, with the coughing, they're still wearing the masks. Some, not everyone. And it's making people sort of still a little bit aware that we can't completely just, you know, this is it, we're all free. No, I don't mind a few coughs here and there. Well, it started with a couple family members and then got to me a few days ago and I kept thinking, oh, it's going to get better. This morning I woke up, I haven't stopped coughing. I coughed all night. It's just. And I had the next lateral fall. I've done three lateral flow tests over the last three days, all negative, but it's a real pain in the backside. I know, because you keep thinking, oh, well, it's. It keeps getting worse. So that's what they say. The, the symptom of COVID is this persistent cough. But no, you've just got a persistent cough. I'm so sorry. Because Henry had it first. Yeah, it's exactly. It's a good few weeks he had it for. And Tina's had it for weeks now. But it'll. It'll go. I just wish you better. The thing is, you need to rest your voice and obviously you talking. No, I know. Oh, my goodness. Well, listen first, before we get into what we're going to talk about and how the pandemic has changed relationships, I know you've had a few acting roles recently. I know you can't tell me too much about it, but anything we should look out for or. Well, it's been. It's been amazing. Obviously, everybody pretty much, unless you're a key worker, has had almost a year and a half off. So I've gradually sort of got myself back out there again and I've done a few different bits and pieces. There's a few. A few films where you know what it's like. You sign an NDA, you're not allowed to say absolutely anything, but I've done a few, like, just short comedy series. There was one called Buffering with Ian Sterling that's just out now. That was great fun. So, yeah, it's just nice to be back at work again. Absolutely. I know, because you're a woman of many sort of strands and bows or whatever the saying is, because also the dating, you know, you're, you know, official at the wingman, you know, with the wingman dating app. And I know we've talked dating before and maybe what we're going to talk about now, we'll touch on dating. Absolutely. But I. What I. You And I are both divorced women who've now found good relationships. You know, we know something about life. We've had the bad experiences and now we have the good experiences. And one thing that's come out of the pandemic research that broke last week was 20% of people said that due to the pandemic, they had lost either a romantic relationship or a friendship or fallen out with family. I mean, 20%, literally, where they have no hope of repairing the damage. So I wanted to talk around that and how different aspects of the pandemic have created these divisions. Starting off with the fact that people have argued over things like how strictly do we take lockdown? So I have a friend, I took lockdown very strictly, but she thinks I wasn't strict enough, that we had a couple of family bubbles going and she was really quite angry about it and she got really kind of het up about this whole thing about everybody must just stay in the house and never, ever see a family member again. So that did cause some friction, which is okay now. So I've had firsthand experience of how powerful opinions can cause this. And I wondered what you've experienced and what your thoughts were on, say, kicking off with maybe friendships and maybe you've seen friends who've had differing opinions on these things. Well, it's such a contentious subject, isn't it? And normally we can sort of get ourselves away from people if we've got different opinions on politics or religion. You can sort of agree to disagree, but because the whole world was involved in exactly the same thing, it's sort of. It meant that we had people that you're around, had to have the same beliefs as you and had to be following the same guidelines as you, even though we all should have. I'm very lucky that my close group of friends feel exactly the same as I do. And we were sort of, you know, very strict with the lockdown. We are all of an age where we've got elderly parents, so we wanted to be very careful and very aware of that. Obviously, even though it was difficult, not as difficult as some. Some people had. I know you experienced it with your mum in law, you couldn't go into hospital. I've had it more recently with my mum where nothing to do with COVID But I couldn't go and see her when she had a nasty fall and. But she was great. I mean, she didn't want to go into hospital because she didn't want to catch it when she was in there. But she went in there and like, she wore her mask. And it was. She didn't catch it, but I know it. I, I have heard of people that have fallen out quite dramatically. I think you get people that have got incredibly strong opinions, like antivaxxers that you can sort of close down. If it's a Facebook thing, if it's someone that you're sitting in the same room with because it's a member of your family, I could really imagine how things can get very heated and how people could never speak again. You know, there was that famous thing with Jennifer Aniston, wasn't there, where she said that she wouldn't speak to her friends anymore if they didn't have the jab. And it seems very extreme and like I said, I'm very lucky that I feel that all my friends are along the same guidelines. We were like, yes, jab us up. I double jab ages ago. Both of my kids now, because they're 16 and over, have had their jabs. All of my friends have. But some people are just so against it. Yeah. And no matter how many times you say, well, you know, it's, it's not about you, it's about protecting others around you that you may not realize have a weak immune system. My sister in law is having chemo at the moment. I would never want to do anything to put her in jeopardy. And, and it's just you could. I would like to feel that people could really sort of talk about things calmly and agree to disagree. But on this subject, people just haven't. And they've really exploded and cut people out of their lives. I find it very sort of. It's sad, but maybe it sort of brought up some issues. Yeah. That would never have been addressed before. But we all now need to be prepared. Fingers crossed it won't happen again. But what if something happens again at Christmas? We all want to be with people that feel the same way as us. So if you're very much, don't have a job, don't have a mask, you'll go over there. I think you're another room with somebody else. I'll sit around my Christmas tree with my family feeling very jabbed and safe. Hopefully I think you're right in that often people have had political differences, but they've kind of seen past it. We had a taste of this with Brexit, you know, six years ago where there were stories of some families falling out. But from my understanding of when they do all these surveys every six months on these things and with time people are saying, oh, we've kind of made up with our families over the Brexit thing. We just kind of don't talk about it. But I think you're right that for some reason this has had more powerful influence on creating divisions with people and yes, I mean raising Jennifer Aniston. Good point. We're all vaxxed. My family, my children, you know, everybody I know. And I thought about it. If I had a really good friend who was totally had gone down the anti vax rabbit hole, how would I feel? Personally I would not exclude them as a friend like Jennifer Aniston evidently has. But I would be very wary about how near I got because we are shielding one of my family members just like you say with your sister in law. So I have a family member who needs shielding. So I wouldn't want to maybe go, you know, sit a meter across a lunch table with her if you know, she, you know, she wasn't vaccinated and might, might have something and give it to me even though I'm double vaxxed. So. But I don't think I would cut someone out. That, that for me is probably a step too far. But I, but I'm not presented with that because all my friends are vaccinated like you and you know, everyone else I know is vaccinated unless they couldn't have it due to a medical reason. I mean if it was an acquaintance maybe I can understand. I mean obviously we don't know how close a friend that was to her. But you'd, you know, you tend to sort of have people around you that even if you've got completely different opinions on something you could have a conversation with about and say, yeah, well you know, hang on a minute, I'm not comfortable with that. So let's not all gather together in a group but we can go out separately maybe and have a coffee outside. So you know, she's taking it to extreme but she may have her reasons. I can't think of anybody unless they were literally that's all they would want to talk about was that I was wrong and they were right. Yeah, that's not, that's not going to lead to wanting to meet up together, someone like that is there? So then I could completely understand why she cut them off. Yeah. Now when it comes to romantic relationships, again there's been, you know, multiple issues from the research the pandemic found. Last summer, there was an interesting study that found about 50% of romantic couples actually said the stresses and strains had strengthened their relationship. About another 25% said they'd had some disagreements and again, this sort of 20, 25% who felt it really had impacted their relationship badly. Now, in my line of work, of course, I hear from a lot of people who are emailing me about these sort of things to my website, and they go, what do I do? You know, my partner is so against mask wearing. I believe in wearing masks. We are arguing about it. So that's a really tough one. Now, I haven't seen that amongst any of my friends. I wondered if you've seen that in your. Amongst any of your friends. Have you seen anybody kind of butt heads within a romantic partnership there? I mean, it's. It's a tricky one, isn't it? It depends on other circumstances as well. I would think if you were in a house under lockdown and you had three children under the age of five, anything. And I just. I just think I'm so thankful that my boys are older. My partner stayed with us over lockdown, and I think you said, Pam, you found it the same. We actually felt that we got stronger after that period because we. Initially, it was tricky because we've got a situation where he works in London. I stay in Hertfordshire because that's where my children are at school. So we can't at this point live together. But because of lockdown, he moved in. And to start with, there were a few issues. Like, we were on the same page with masks, not going out, lockdown. It was the rules that was fine, but just on little, you know, habits at home, shall we say, like, how long everybody's in the bathroom for. Like, I'm used to my teenage boys being in the bathroom for many hours. He's not used to things like that. It's sort of, you know, I've got dogs everywhere. They bark continuously. It's a miracle that they haven't today. But he's not used to that. So after we got over those little bumps, we. I think I'd rather hear dogs barking than my coughing for the first half of the show. Oh, honestly, I feel terrible for you because I know how awful it is. I know that Henry really suffered and he couldn't sleep for about four nights with it, but you will get. You will get better. But, yeah, we sort of. We. Once we pushed past that, we just grew from strength to strength because we actually found what we enjoyed were exactly the same things. The fact that we could go out for walks together, very simple things. The conversations that we had. I felt after it that our love had grown deeper. Yes. And, I mean, I know you and Nick have been together forever but I don't know how did you found it as well. We were already so, so close. I'm blessed with an incredible husband after my first horrible marriage when I was very young. And yeah, we just, we just, we were aligned on how to deal with it and so supportive towards each other. It just, it really did. So we're in that 50% like you are that yeah even a strong relationship can even grow stronger and in a sense that it's kind of a weird blessing in a weird way that you just then realize that all the things you share, you really do like doing. So I feel very lucky. But with my work, as I said the emails to my website, I had it constant flow that has calmed down. But the first six to 12 months that was probably the biggest question. My partner and I are arguing about some aspect of the pandemic. So you know, and I feel for people who. Where it. It harmed their relationship but. No good. Good to hear that that you know, you and your lovely other half have done well. Thank you. I think as time went on and the. The lockdown rules changed, I could see various couples could have had issues where even I'd say more so recently because you can go into certain shops now without a mask. Yeah. So, you know, even in. When I go into my local supermarkets when they've asked. Yeah. They've asked for people to wear them on the windows, but it doesn't. Not everyone is doing that now. And I see people wandering around like one person's got a mask on and the partner hasn't, you know, hasn't got. I've seen that too. Yeah. And I. So I've thought to myself, I. I'd love to be nosy and ask them, but it could be because they're. That, you know, they're exempt and they didn't have. Exactly. Yeah. You don't know. I just. I would never ask but I have thought. Oh yeah. I mean again, like you. Most of my friends are along the same lines. They're all sort of. We just all want to stay safe and we're very grateful that it. We. I don't know about you, but I feel like we've gone over that hill now and we're going to be okay. But there's this thing about this delta variant at Christmas. Yeah, it's a worry. Yeah. I just think, I mean I have my double jab because obviously I'm a carer as well. So I had mine quite early on and I heard on the news this morning it's Only supposed to last for about five months, so I should probably. Let's hope for the boosters I'm ready. I'm ready for mine whenever they want me. We only have time. It's flown by. I just, you know, as an ASD mother, how has that impacted your son with asd? You know, this now, things are, you know, opening up, but still, you know, as you say, you, you want to wear a mask in a shop and, you know, whatever. How, how. How is he dealing with it now? I'm, again, I'm very lucky. I. He loves the masks. He has many different character faces that he puts on and he goes. And I have to remind him to take it off when we come out of the shop. But he's been as good as gold and I actually found, over lockdown, he actually really came out of himself. So I was very grateful for that. But I'm also very mindful that if that had happened, say five years ago when he was still in junior school, it would have been a very different scenario and it would have. It, you know, it just wouldn't have worked as all being in an enclosed space. So I'm. I'm well aware that other mums with children on the spectrum have had a really, really, really tough time. Yeah. But obviously he's not been at school. That was. That's a struggle. More so for my child, the older one that's sort of not on the spectrum because he's not had any sort of social life. So I've got one that's just off to college, one that's just off to uni after being sort of stuck away for 16 months. So I, I really feel for sort of teenagers and young adults at the moment. They must really, really have. Have gone through it and I just hope that they can sort of enjoy themselves for a bit. Well, listen, before I let you go, where can people ASD parents was the best place for them to get information. Is it the National Autistic Society? Yeah, I would always say to go to the National Autistic Society. They. They saved me. They're amazing. The chat line, obviously, because of the pandemic, their funding has gone down somewhat, so there's not as many people to. To talk to, but there are so many forums that they can guide you towards. There's loads of groups on Facebook, Anna Kennedy online, I know you work with, they're amazing too. There are so many out there now and people just are aware now, when I took my youngest for his job and he was doing a bit of Stimming and we were right at the back of the queue and a lady came forward and she was a very elderly lady, which she wouldn't have expected maybe to know so much about children with disabilities. And, you know, he just, he was just sort of going like this, a bit fidgety. And she said, does he need to come to the front? And I said, that's so kind of you. And that is sort of, you know, that doesn't happen very often. Just that small thing that someone noticed that he had a bit of a tick and that was it. And she just knew and she went, no, that's absolutely fine. The guy that was right at the front of the queue said, no problem. You know, it's, I re. I really, I feel so, so much hope for children with disabilities for the future. Their awareness is increasing. Yeah, thank, thank you so much for joining me today. People can, can find you, as I said, on Twitter @Miss SamTomlin Instagram. It's Miss Samantha Tomlin and I'm going to look out for those roles. And thank you for your thoughts today. Take care. Thank you. Bye. And now, last but not least, I'm going to welcome a guest who's also returning. She joined me a few months ago. Now she's a meditation coach and the chief wellness officer at Remote Team Wellness. She's had all sorts of major clients from Facebook to l'. Oreal. Now, on social media, you can find her Erin Kalmeier and also her, her, her company, Remote Team Wellness. And she's going to join me now. Hello, Taryn, how's it going? Well, fine, except for my raging cold and I coughed through my whole first interview. That's no good. That doesn't sound very pleasant. I'm sucking a cough sweet right now. Let's hope I don't do it again. Good, good. I'm glad you got your lozenge. Got your lozenge prepared. Now, before we get into our chat about meditation, I just want to flag up that Lindsay said that she found as an autistic adult there is very limited support, especially with mental health. It seems everything is geared towards children rather than newly discovered diagnosed adults. Well, that's a really interesting thing. Lindsay and I will definitely get someone on to talk about newly diagnosed adults with autism. So back to you. Let's get into meditation. Last time we were talking about how your company, you know, helps people and supports people who are working remotely, how you're. You coach like that. And we touch briefly on meditation. Yeah. And it's something I told you at the time I've never had success with. And I really wanted to go in deeper with the meditation. Absolutely, yeah. So I think my first question is, do you know anything about the history of meditation? Like which culture maybe started meditation or. Yeah, no, it's a really good question and it's actually really interesting because meditation is a prehistoric practice that actually kind of predates a lot of different cultures and a lot of different civilizations. The earliest origins of meditation can be found in Vedic texts, the Upsanda from Hindu Hinduism texts are the first, the first text to actually mention meditation as a practice. And then as, like as time went on, Buddhism obviously adopted a lot of meditative practices. And with the Silk Road transmission of Buddhism, that kind of spread meditation and the theory of meditation to more countries which got it included in more especially religious texts. So it's found throughout, you know, throughout the Bible, in Christianity and Judaism, all different religions have practiced and known about some form of meditation for thousands of years. I had no idea. That was fascinating. And it kind of went hand in hand with different religions. 100%. Well, I thought it was much more of just a cultural thing rather than a kind of religious thing too. Definitely. Yeah. There's different mention of it and obviously different practices around it, but just the practice of being able to be still and be still with yourself. Be still and like clear your mind. That's. That concept has been around for centuries. Interesting. Now I guess you've kind of pricked my memories of having seen like television dramas where there's a medieval nunnery or something, or monks and they would meditate. Yeah. Rather than. I kind of almost thought it was maybe just saying prayers. But can that potentially be the same sort of thing? Yeah, yeah, no, 100%. They can definitely be the same, the same kind of thing, because I don't really. I mean, obviously the practice of meditation has, has very different. Different different forms in different, in different cultural, different cultural beliefs. But I think that the practice of meditation can be anything from prayer to going for a run. So it's not necessarily, it's not necessarily that it has to look a certain way or has to be a very prescribed fixed thing. And the ways that different religions, different cultures have adopted that, they vary. So. So when you say like, it can be a sort of like, you know, prayer linked meditation or when you're running now, that really interests me because I run. I love run. I haven't run the last few days of this cold. I've got to say, how would you meditate while running? So I need to Know this. So obviously, I think what. Firstly, obviously, anything that. Anything in any space in which you are alone with your own thoughts and you're still with your own thoughts, not necessarily physically still, but you're not listening to music. You're not. You're not focused on other things. You're not being drawn away from the present moment. That is a form of meditation, and that can look different for anyone. So I'd say for running, like, when people are really focused on their breath, the running is that. Running is a practice that really focuses. Focuses you in on how am I breathing right now, how am I regulating myself? How am I. How am I moving? Am I. Am I moving with pain? How do I need to adjust myself? And that level of awareness that actually helps to take you into a meditative state. A lot of people have associated with meditation with going up and sitting on a mountain and meditating for days on end, obviously, as seemed throughout different texts and different cultures and practices. But it doesn't have to be that complex. It actually can be quite simple. Just anything to bring you to that state of not necessarily nothingness, but clearness. So lack of distractions. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Like, when I run, sometimes I'm very focused on the breathing and things like that. Yeah. So I guess I'm getting nearer to a kind of meditation while during movement. Yeah. There are other times where my mind's spinning with, oh, my gosh, I've got so much coming up today. Okay, I've got to do this first. That first. You know, I guess it is about training the mind to stop that part of it, to make it a clear meditation. Sorry, there's a massive airplane going right past my window. I can't hear it. No. Yeah. So it's actually interesting because then you also pose another question and you bring up another point which kind of brings. It brings us to a point of an interchangeable system, which a lot of people usually think of the system of mindfulness as the same thing as meditation. So. Yes. And usually use them interchangeably, but they're not actually the same practice. And so sometimes, like what you've just described is like, you. You become more aware what I've described. You become more aware of your physical being, your. Your breath, all of that. That is a. That's a mindful practice. You can be very mindful in that moment, being aware of where you're going, what you're doing. That's mindful mindfulness meditation is almost like a state of nothingness, like allowing yourself to just be completely void. Void. And Vacant of all external pools and thoughts and things. You're literally just there. That's the issue for me, I'm really good at practicing mindfulness. If I'm out walking and a lovely bird flies past, or there are some beautiful flowers, I really get absorbed in those moments. Beautiful. But it's the nothingness that. And I don't know if it's my personality, which has always been kind of on the go and doing things and juggling stuff. So how do you stop being mindful and become meditative? Because I think that a lot of people probably struggle with that. That distinction and that process to move away from even mindfulness, which is really good. And I'm advocate that with my coaching clients all time. The. The time. But to that next state. How do you get there? How do you. A lot of nothingness, a lot of practice. I'm not gonna lie. It's very. It's a very intentional. It's a very intentional place to be, to be honest. And it really does take a lot of practice to allow yourself to firstly become aware. Obviously, that's the first step. Mindfulness is a really fantastic step toward being able to be in a meditative state. And then to be able to clear, to drop, to allow yourself to just be in that. In as. As I say, in that almost like, void space. That takes quite a lot of getting comfortable with being super uncomfortable. Usually, like, that's. That's the practice of meditation. And that's why meditative practices have been really kind of evolved around sitting. So, for instance, like the practice of yoga, the reason that they practice asana in yoga, and asana, which is the posture side of yoga, is literally just one of the limbs of yoga. And as you get okay with moving your body and getting flexible, you allow yourself to come into a state where you can sit for a really long time and ask yourself that exact question. How do I let go of all of the external. How do I strip away the identity, the. All of the labels, all of the conditioning, and just allow myself to come back to a state of what is I am, you know, and obviously, like that. That can kind of tend toward. And I think that's probably why it has tended toward more religious practices and things, because it really elicits quite an existential place and understanding and awareness. And again, it really does take practice. It's literally an individualized practice. And with meditation, it's really beautiful because the way anyone decides to interpret it, no one can tell you what is right or wrong for you. There are different schools of Meditation in which you can go and follow the. This is how we meditate. Like with Transcendental Meditation, you can't be taught. You have to be taught transcendental dental meditation for yourself. You get your own mantra, you get your own practice for a different other, for another type of meditation like mantra meditation, or like mindfulness day stress reduction or something like that. You have different cues and different ways of your actual practice being being taught for you. But at the core of meditation, it's kind of a personal practice of allowing yourself to be rather than do. Interesting. You mentioned the sitting of yoga, because I've done quite a few yoga classes over the years and. And at the end, it's very often a period of sitting and often focusing on your breath, you know. But I have been to a couple other places where they had you lie flat. Yes. And I actually got into such a relaxed state that I dozed. Yeah, so. So that doesn't count as meditation, does it? Oh, no, it definitely, I think it definitely does count as meditation, but I think when you, when you fall asleep, you become you. You move from conscious to subconscious. So that doesn't necessarily count as meditation, but it's, it's, it's still a part of the practice of meditation to allow your body to get into such a relaxed state that you get to fall asleep. That's meditative. That's pretty meditative, I'd say, to allow yourself to be completely relaxed, be completely at ease. It's a very meditative space to be. Yeah. Oh, well, that's a positive then. Now you mentioned about. See, I thought a lot of people kind of chanted during meditation. Isn't that kind of a distraction? Or does that again, clear the mind? So tell me how a chant or a mantra or whatever, whatever you call it, how does that work to help? Yeah, so there are different. There are also different schools of meditation like kriya meditation and mantra meditation and kirtan. Kirtan. Kriya is a meditation skill style in which there is chanting, singing different types of mantras from the Vedic texts. And that helps to. So again, this is. This. We are going to touch on a lot of like, kind of spiritual, esoteric concepts here. And that just kind of helps you to allow yourself to be almost a bit of a channel as from a lot of people that I've spoken to who practice Kriya. They allow themselves to kind of be a channel for source energy, for the divine, for whatever it is that their particular belief is, or whether it's just for themselves to allow themselves to be clear. And by elevating and expressing through the voice, it really helps to clear your mind of any distraction, any distraction from the external. You can't really be making a shopping list when you're chanting for 45 minutes. So it helps to bring your mind to a single point of focus. And that's usually what meditation is centered around, a single point of focus that you can allow yourself to be so clear around that. Then even the edges of that become blurry and you, you almost fade into, into just being rather than thinking. Yeah. For anybody listening, are you talking about visual focus, what you're looking at? Or is this closed eyes? Yeah, your eyes can be closed or open, but I'm talking about a single point of mental focus. Let me clarify it in that way. The single pointed mental focus. So a mantra. If you were saying, you know the word om, that is your single pointed focus, so there, that would be your thing. Or if you were to start meditating on peace, you want more peace in your life, so you meditate on what that feeling feels like for you, what that, what the. What. What that means for you. You meditate on love you, whatever it is that you choose to meditate on. It's almost like that single point of focus keeps you anchored into the present, keeps you anchored into your experience of what you are trying to cultivate. And that's, that's really around the practice of meditation. So meditation is, it is mindful, but it's not mindfulness because obviously you're not doing anything. You're just being with what you're feeling and what you're experiencing and what's coming up for you, you know? Yeah. One of my girlfriends was telling me I was, I was talking about the show. We were having a little chat this morning and, and I said we were going to talk about meditation on part of the show. And she said, oh, she always meditated naked. Yeah. Amazing. And I, I was thinking, oh, I thought everybody does loose clothes because, like, when I've been in yoga or stretchy clothing, I was like, I'm not sure if I want that vision in my head, but my girlfriend, naked, meditating. But I didn't make you think. I guess you have to do what works for you. And she said, I don't want to, like to feel anything. Even like loose drawstring trousers, I don't want to feel it, you know? So I always thought there was kind of something in the movies, the quirky person who's meditating naked, you know, and now you know that quirky person. We all know that she's my girlfriend. Amazing. I love that. No, I want, I think that's wonderful. And I think just like that, like there are so many individualizations that you can almost incorporate into the practice to make it your own, to make yourself more comfortable being in that space, being in that state of, you know, because obviously we are so completely inundated with information, with data, with imagery, with notifications, with so many things to focus on, so many things that want our attention and need our attention, that it's really, it's really about just allowing yourself to let go of all of those external things that are always trying to draw upon your attention and trying to pull you in different directions to allow yourself to be with you in whatever way you need to be. And that's really the beauty of the practice of meditation, in my, in my opinion, is that we only have, we only have a little time left. Yes. But just a quick question. I love like, I love sleeping in a very dark room. Blackout. I love that kind of womb, like pitch black at night. I don't like night lights or anything. Could I meditate in something like that? Would it be okay? Or are you supposed to have some sort of light? No. If you can, if you can meditate and stay awake in an environment like that, wonderful. That's absolutely fantastic. How do you, do you, do you go out on a sunlit patio or do you have a darkened room or what do you do? Yeah. So for me, my best meditations happen in the morning. Morning. Just because I am a morning person. That's how I like, it's how I like to start my day. It's also how I like to focus my day because I start my day quite intentionally through my meditation. So I'll go and sit on my sun drenched patio in the morning. If the sun's up these days, it's not been up. That's an image. I love it. We're out of time. Thank you so much for joining me and let me give your again your Aryn Kalmeier on social media at Remote Team Wellness. Do you have a website? Yes, remote teamwellness.com okay, remote team wellness.com people, got to check you out. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm going to try something tonight with the meditation and thank you to everybody who's joined me. Look after yourself for the next fortnight. I'll be back with another show, more fantastic guests and I'm sorry I coughed through the first half of the show, but I have this raging cold cough Lots of, lots of love.