Trending With Dr. Pam Spurr – Nadia Essex, Tarin Calmeyer, Lucas Armitage

Hello and welcome. I'm Dr. Pam Spurr. Thanks for joining me here on the men's radio station, a show that's then repeated on both the women's station and the men's station Friday at 4pm but this is your chance to ask my guests questions or express your points of view on the topics we're discussing. I have three fabulous guests coming up, as always, and you can get jump on board the men's radio station, YouTube and Facebook channels and share your comments and you can also follow them on Twitter, Facebook, Insta, all the usual places. So do check them out. They run lots of great shows. Now, every fortnight on a Thursday, I talk about what's trending with my first guest. And it's not about what the politicians and celebrities are doing, it's more about what they trend for and then how we can relate it to our life. So that's what I'm doing with my first guest and I'm delighted to welcome her. She was one of the original presenters on Celebs Go Dating. She acquired a massive fan base because of her fantastic advice and also her facial expressions on the show. She's a date coach, she's a new mum and she's the host of a number one parenting podcast, the Clueless Mum. You can find her on both Twitter and Instagram Adyanadiaess. And I'm delighted that she's going to be joining me right now. Hello, darling, how are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm really good. I'm so glad to see you. Now, where's your little man right now? He's downstairs, he's playing. I'm praying to goodness that he stays quiet and calm just for the duration. Yeah, that would be nice, but with a just one year old, you never know what they're going to do. Yeah, I mean, he's like, I can hear him babbling away, but so this could turn like the babbling could turn into crying very quickly. But I'm just like, come on, please just stay quiet just for this little moment of time, just stay quiet, please. Well, listen, we already have a couple guests who've joined. Stephen Smith says, gorgeous, love the paintings. Well, thank you for that, Stephen. And Helen says, hey, Pam. Hey, Nadia. Looking forward to it. So we're already getting people on board Now, Nadia, I have so much to talk to you about, but first I just want to give you the opportunity. A dear friend of yours, Nikki Graham, of course, passed just a week ago and for you knew her very well. I knew her in A friendly way. She did a number of radio shows with me and we would bump into each other at, you know, parties and stuff and. But for you, a real friend. I just wanted to know how you're feeling and what you might want to say about Nikki. Oh, gosh. Well, it's been, it's been completely came out of the blue for me. I was not expecting it. I really thought that this time, you know, I know. I think we all saw the pictures of how poorly she really was, but I, you know, she's so mentally strong that I thought, you know, when she puts her mind to it, she can recover. She has been in recovery before and, you know, for many, many years, so it was possible for her to recover. And I thought, she's going to go to this private facility and this is going to be the time that changes her life. Because I remember Nikki, we've been friends way before celebs, good 18. And we went on holiday together. Like, we really were close and I knew her when she was in recovery and she was, you know, not struggling with. We, our favorite thing was to go out and have dinner and drink cocktails. Like that was our favorite thing to do all the time. And she loved her food and she really enjoyed socializing in the social aspect. And she'd often say, she's like, I'm so grateful that I'm better now because I love. She'd be in a burger, I love this burger, and just be like chowing down. And then we went to New York together and we stay. Her grandma had an apartment in New York and we stayed in her apartment and it was the beginning of, I think, her very first kind of relapse, which she was admitted to the NHS for a few years ago. And I just watched her slowly, like, I think the main thing is, like, the work started to dry up and she really struggled. And, you know, Big Brother was on three times a year, so three times a year she definitely would have work because they'd always ask her to come back and do cameos or, you know, be on the panel. So she knew that. But Big Brother was, was starting to fade and not happening. And so she just, she was losing control. And I think it just triggered, like her mum said when she went on this morning, it, it, it, food was control for Nikki. You know, when things weren't good, she would not be able to control her life, but she could control her food and restrict. And so I saw that happen and I went to visit her in Chelsea, Westminster, and I was shocked at, you know, These facilities and, and really like there's just the sort of, it's not, I know there's no money, but it's just not adequate in my opinion. It's just not adequate at all. And I just, I can't, I can't. I would like to know the statistics of how many people actually recover from an NHS treatment facility because the people that I saw in there, there must have been about 11 people in there and none of them were on the road to recovery at all. I, I think there's so little funding for it. It's such a difficult psychiatric disorder to treat. It has the highest deficit death level of any psychiatric disorder. One of the first things I was thrown into as a young psychologist when I was doing my training was the anorexia unit at the, at the Royal Free. And I remember it being a huge wake up call of just how this is, you know, like being on a cliff edge for these people who suffer it and they never know when they're going to topple over and their body can't cope with the stress anymore. Yeah, happier times. I remember calling you once to be on one of my other radio shows and you were out with Nikki and Chloe Jasmine Ricello and you were all having one of your dinners. Yeah. And I remember then Nikki coming on and saying, oh, what a laugh you were all having and you were all. We were having this conversation with Chloe Jasmine singing in the background and it seemed like, wow, you know, she was going to do well and that was it. That's the Nikki I remember and I will always remember and I adored and I hope that people remember her because she, she, she really did love life. She, that was that. I remember that time so well. It was such a fun evening and that was just the sort of epitome of Nikki just having fun and enjoying herself. And then I just think with this last year has just been horrific for her, for everybody I know, but especially for her. You know, she lived in London by herself and like her mum said, she had no access to gyms and I remember when we were in New York she started getting obsessed with exercise. So she'd wake up in the morning and before she would have any breakfast she'd do like four, 400 sit ups and I, and would like go, go like want to walk up and down the stairs like a few different times and she just started to kind of obsess over, over this exercise because that was obviously part of the eating disorder. And it's just, I just, yeah, I'm just really, really Really? I mean, I don't even know. I think they're still waiting for the exact, you know, what actually happened because I don't think. I don't think we know whether it was sort of organ failure or not. Some. You know, I'm not quite sure that anyone knows what happened, so I think that that is something that I think I'm certainly still waiting to hear, like, exactly what happened. But yeah, she's a. She's. She's. I'm just gutted. It doesn't feel real. Yeah, it doesn't. I'm sure it doesn't. I still wake up and I. People and I see her, obviously tributes on like tick tock if I'm scrolling on Instagram. And then I remember that she's gone and I'll never speak to her again. And I'm like, wow. And every time it's like a punch in the gut and it's like really, like never, ever, ever. It's so final death, isn't it? It's just like, I know never get to say the things that I wanted to say. Never get to show her how much I loved her and really, really, you know, be there for her. It's like. It's just that all those moments of opportunity have just gone. That's it done. But it sounds to me like you did everything you could. And I know from that one chat where we. That one evening, it was a Saturday night and you and Nikki and Chloe, Jasmine and you were out there and you were a good friend to her and that should give you peace of mind. Urban. Urban angel has joined and says it's such a shame about Nikki passing. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. So. Well, listen, with. With bereavement comes also the flip side and life. And I want to hear how you as a mum to a just one year old, how you're. You're feeling now that lockdown's loosening and maybe you can get out and do the kind of mother toddler groups that last time we spoke you couldn't do, you know, we were in loc. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm so unbelievably excited. So I. I've been taking him to the park, which is the first time he's ever been to like play with other children. And what was that like? He was mesmerized because he'd never seen people the same height as him really ever before and he'd certainly never seen this many children and he was just like shocked and it took him a while to come out of his shell. And he was a bit nervous at first, but then he went and played in the sand pit and he had a great time. And my heart was just like, oh, my God, it's so cute. And then so I booked also we're gonna go to Legoland because apparently rides for like, like small something. Really excited about that. And I'm just. I'm. I'm just like, I want to book swimming and I want to book like, baby, and I want to book like a crash in the gym so that I can go work out and he can go to the crash. And it's like, oh, I'm like a proper mom. Well, you've been a proper mom who's been tested like all other new mums in the. In the pandemic. I mean, we've got some little ones in the extended family of mine. And, yeah, it's just been horrible because I know, I've told you before, my. My six years at Guy's Hospital was with working with the under fives and children with emotional and behavioral problems, really working with their par. When the children of that age, not with the child itself. And to think about normal child development, how all you mums and dads out there have had to be really creative to make sure your child gets, you know, just some kind of normal stimulation. Yeah. And it's. It's really hard because obviously what you're kind of told from the minute you're pregnant is, you know, don't let them watch too much TV and don't rely on social media, like, media too much. And don't, you know, put them in front of the iPad and just plonk them down in front of the telly. Like, you're really drummed into it that, like, that's not good parenting. But then it's like, well, literally, you know, the days we. The only thing to fill our days was to go for a walk. And so, you know, I'd be walking two or three times a day because it's like, we'd come back, we'd have a play, we'd have some food, and then, you know, it's very difficult. Nap time takes up a lot of time. Yeah. Thank God. But the monotony of it was really, really hard. I think that, yeah, absolutely. When he was a baby, it's no big deal, but now he's walking and he wants to be out and exploring the world. And it's like the monotony of staying in is. Is a lot. So I just try And I want to get out as much as possible now because I don't know if his development's going to be affected. But, I mean, you know, we don't know. But you're. You're an active mom, and, you know, you've done your best, and that's going to be the best. And, you know, this is what we hope for this generation of babies and toddlers know the best is going to be good enough. Yeah. So what about with the parenting podcast? You know, that must have been invaluable to a lot of parents, you know, stuck at home, as you've been with new, you know, little ones. So have you had, you know, what sort of issues have you been tackling and what. What. What are people wanting to know about? I. Oh, it's just the feedback has honestly been amazing. And I think the biggest thing that I wanted to do when I started the podcast was just be really brutally honest about how I was feeling, because I don't. I'm not always the most PC of people, and sometimes it gets me into trouble, and sometimes, you know, it's. I can have an opinion, and my opinion can be wrong. But. But, but I have an opinion, and usually I, you know, I don't mind saying it. And I just couldn't find any resources where it wasn't kind of like fairy tale bells and whistles. It's like, I really. I was struggling with certain things. Like, in. When I. In my pregnancy, the big topic I talked about was gender disappointment. And I remember you got slammed on Twitter about that. Yeah. And it's like, what am I supposed to lie about? The fact that, like, when I got pregnant, I just envisaged that I wanted to have a girl? Yeah. And I just. I'd always wanted to have children, but I wanted my first to be a girl. And I don't know where that came from. I think it's because my niece is, like, the most perfect person on the planet, and I just wanted, like, a little mini home. Yes. And so when I found out I was having a boy, I cried. I was very disappointed because I didn't know. I'd never envisioned having a boy. I didn't know how to raise a boy. Exactly. It was out of your realm. It was so far out of my comfort zone that I was. I was disappointed. And I. And I wanted to talk about that because it didn't mean the, you know, once I got over it and once I started learning about, like, reading books about how to raise a boy and all that sort of. I Felt empowered. And now I wouldn't change it, literally, for all the money in the world. Like, I know your posts on Instagram are brilliant. And so for any parent listening, you know, you do the highs, you do the lows, you do the glam mum. You do the mum who's, you know, exhausted, you know. Yeah, mainly exhausted. Mom. Less. Less glam. More exhausted these days. Well, you're looking very glam today. Just. Thank you. So are you. But it's just. It's just, you know, I just wanted to talk about. I thought, like, why. I know, like you said, I know, you know, people slammed me for being honest, and it's like, but why? It's. I'm just being honest. It doesn't mean that I'm gonna love my child any less. It's just that I imagine myself having a girl. And when I found out it was a boy, I was disappointed, that is. And then you were going through an adaption process after that and thinking, I've never. Never thought about. I've never looked after a baby boy. I've got to learn about these things. And that's a good thing, you know? Oh, I got so. I mean, thousand for all. For every message that I got that was negative, I'd get 10, 20 messages of people being like, thank you, thank God, because I felt the same and I didn't tell anyone. And actually, a lot of people said that the. Because they didn't feel able to be honest in their pregnancy about different things, whether it was their birth plan or their gender or whatever. They develop postnatal depression because they kept it all in and didn't talk about it and. And sort of go through the process of getting to the point they needed to be, to be in a happy place about whatever the issue, you know, was. And that's it, where you just, you know, your hormones are going crazy and you're keeping this, like, secret almost, that you don't. You have to put on this show that you feel fabulous and that you're glowing and you're pregnant and how lucky you are, and you're. You should be so grateful because there's so many people that are struggling. And, you know, as long as the baby is happy and healthy, that's all that matters. And it just makes. I just think we just make. Indirectly make women feel really bad about themselves. And we've got to be really mindful of the words that we use, because even in messages of support, like, for example, well, as long as you have a happy and healthy baby, that's all that counts. And it's like, actually, no, that's not all that counts. Having a happy, healthy mum is what counts. And then everything else can fall into place. But if the mum isn't happy and healthy, everything's gonna go off kilter. So let's stop saying that the mum, like eradicating the mum from the conversation and making it all about this unborn child, because that makes women that are pregnant or just given birth feel really bad and then hence more postnatal depression. Oh, exactly. And that's exactly what my work was about when I was in the NHS for six years, was about supporting moms, working with their self esteem, boosting it so they were better able to be better parents. And you're absolutely right about that. And I just remember seeing all that on Twitter and I didn't get involved at the time. I think I might have tweeted you something like I'm here or something. I don't know if you wanted to talk, but, you know, I didn't get involved because, you know, that was. You were doing your thing, you were doing it well and you were coming back to people. But that, that, that leads me also to the other thing that you do. You do the parenting podcast, but the date coaching. And again, you do lots of fantastic, like films and stuff for date coaching. And I wanted to bring one of the first trending topic in about that because it's been trending just recently about this director from CNN who got in trouble on Tinder because he was catfished by someone who then got all this info that he should have been talking about the CNN business, the behind the scenes CNN stuff, got all this info out of him and then obviously exposed what he'd been saying. So I want to open that up to the whole thing about online dating. And because you work in that area. I work in that area. Tell me first what you think that was a pitfall for him trusting too soon someone he had met through Tinder. Now, do you come across that a lot with singles where they've, they've given away too much, where they actually meet the person, you know, they're telling too much personal stuff and they get caught out? Yes, definitely. But I am, I'm a big believer that the perpetrator, and in this case the catfisher. Yeah, exactly. Has to have full blame and of the data is the victim. Because I think if we, if we get into a, a cycle of not trusting anyone online, not opening up to anyone and making people have to prove themselves before you actually open up to Have a conversation. We are going to not have very hard. Yeah, we're not going to have any marriages, we're not going to have any long term relationships. And, and that will eventually lead into just, I think just a crash of society because it's about. What you're talking about is trust. So if you have one bad experience like this man is all over Twitter and he can either go forward thinking, I will never trust anyone on Tinder or any of the other many, you know, dating apps, Wingman and my best friend, whatever, you know, treacle or toffee or whatever it's called Hinge. I want to mention a lot of them. And so. Or he can go forward and go, I was catfished. It wasn't good. I'm going to go for maybe a bit more cautiously, but I'm not going to stop trusting that out there is going to be someone who's really cool and that I really want to meet and that, and that has to be, you know, the lesson that's learned. It's not his fault for trusting someone who abused his trust. It's not. And there isn't, there isn't a company out there that doesn't have dodgy stuff going on that some employee, you know, every company, every single company or probably on the planet, there will be an employee that has been done wrong or been treated wrong or has a story about something dodgy that's gone on. We're humans. It just happens and you know, it creates exposing somebody and exposing like what's been going on because they're having these conversations about what's gone on behind the scenes. You know, it's one of those. I hope, I hope that the network supports him. Yeah, I really do. I don't know because it's only just happen. So I don't know what's going to happen. I hope he doesn't get thrown under the bus because they tend to close ranks. And you know, we've seen it happen many a time where the person just gets shunned and everyone closes ranks and then that's, you know, it's left, that person's left out, hung out to dry. Yeah. And I hope he gets support because. Which is horrible. You make me think of what happened to you, which is why I reached out a few months after and just said, hey, you know, you want to chat? It was on another radio show and we don't have to chat about what happened. We can chat about what happened, but, you know, let's just have a good old chat on the radio. You know, and. Yeah, and I don't think it's right to hanging people out to dry. No. Because everybody's human and everybody makes mistakes. And that, that's just, that is literally part. Then there's not one person on this planet that doesn't look back at something and say, oh, blimey, I wish I didn't do that. Both hands. I put my feet up in the air. If I wasn't sitting at my desk and say, yes, hands and feet. I've done so many things. Absolutely. But I think, you know, I think, I think luckily we're moving. I think, you know, unfortunately, certainly networks here and abroad, I think, are learning very slowly that it's not the, the hanging people out to dry is not the done thing. Especially in England, I think, you know, when, if, if celebs co dating had happened after Caroline Flack. Yeah, it would have, I would have had a very different, different response. Like my, the response that I received would have been very, very different. I would have had an opportunity to speak my truth and my side of the story. I would have been able to, you know, I mean, I literally begged Channel four for a meeting three times. Begged because I was, I was suicidal and I was struggling and they said no, they refused to meet me three times when I was really at my lowest. And I was like, you have to help me. Like, the, this, this, this program is. I'm being hung out to dry. And you guys, I need you to hear my side. I need you to hear what really happened. I need you to hear. I need your help. And literally three times I was told, no, we weren't, we won't meet with you. And I just was like sobbing, sobbing on the floor in tears, you know, no help, nothing. Like literally nothing. And it was really, really, really tough. The whole thing. It was like there wasn't not one person, you know, that had any kind of ability to support me in any sense of power, wanted to. They just, you know, it was just a flat. No. Well, it's hopefully a different era now, I think. I think. And that, and that's it. Like, I do think that is the case. And unfortunately, we've had to lose people through death for, for finally people to wake up and say, this isn't acceptable. There's no way. I believe that now, if it happened, that Channel 4 would have said no to me three times if I messaged them saying I'm suicidal. I just don't think now, now we know what we know because actually, even though I was feeling suicidal, I was one of the lucky ones that didn't go through with it. And I'm so glad that you are now such a stronger person to have experienced all that. And you're doing your own thing. Look at you. You know, your mom and, you know, just your podcast and everything's going, going well. It's great. And life has never been better. And this, and this is what, this is what annoys me because off the beat, back of feeling suicidal, off the back of literally hitting rock bottom, life gets so good. Yes, it's. You wish everyone reborn. Yeah, everyone lost like Caroline. If only they could recognize that there will be a better day, you know, and it. And it's not just better, it's the best days. Everything that's happened in the past is a line is drawn under. And you live your life so much more free. You live your life so much more authentically, and you live your life so much more carefree because you've been to hell and you've been back. And so now anyone wants to come and mess with you, honey. Hey, I don't think so. Like, yeah, exactly. I'm back. Like, please, you want to give me grief. Whatever. You just like, you feel like a superhero and urban angel. Yeah. She just says, you know, appreciate everything is the key to happiness. And you do appreciate all the good stuff so much more when you've hit rock bottom. We've just got time to look at one of the other trending topics. It kind of ties in with this, and that is William and Harry, of course, have been trending ever since Prince Philip passed away and time to heal. I'm hoping that with Harry, you know, having come back, that they, as brothers, can heal their feud now. I once had a feud with someone in my extended family, which went on for two years, and it was horrible. And when I finally reached out to make the decision that I wanted them back in my life, even though technically they were the ones who'd done the not very good, you know, very hurtful stuff. We did make it up. We did heal. It took time. And I wondered, have you ever had to heal anything like that? Or what? Or even if you haven't, what advice would you give to someone who's in the grips of family feud? What would you say if you could talk to William and Harry and knock their heads together? I think, I think I. I haven't had. I've had. I've had family feuds. I had a feud with my mum. Oh, that must be hard. Yeah, yeah. Where there was like about a three Month, period, which doesn't sound very long, but it's your month. That is a long time. We just didn't. We did not speak, and it took a very, very long time to come back together. But I think with. With William and Harry, I think for some reason, the royal family, that, like, they. They're held at a different level, I think, than. Than us regular Joes. It's almost like they're not allowed to have an argument or they're not allowed to have a feud. They're a lot like they're brothers. They're brothers. Of course they're going to argue. Of course they're not going to get on. Of course they're not going to. You know, they might argue and not speak. Speak for weeks and fight and all this. They're brothers. It's almost like people forget that. They're like. If you think of any brothers, have you ever known anyone who didn't have some sort of family feud? Never. Exactly. And doesn't matter if they're royal or not. We only have time for your top tip, what you would say if you could help them heal. What tip would you give them after what you learned with your few, with your mom? Life is short, just like you said. Bang your hips together, go and have a nice beer and work it out. I love that. And, you know, Nadia, as always, I could talk to you for. Well, I could talk to you all afternoon. We could have a good girly chat, but we've run out of time. And I know, you know, lovely little Ezekiel is probably waiting for Mummy to come back. Thank goodness. So it's like, literally, I'm gonna walk down the stairs and you sort of start crying, and I'm gonna be like, yes, we did it. And, yeah, I wanted to plug up to everybody that, of course, you can be found on Twitter at Lady and Nadia Essex and on Instagram. Is it the same? I follow you, but is it not Lady Nadia Essex? Of course. We'll talk again soon. You look after yourself. And again, my heartfelt condolences for you losing such a good friend. Thank you. Thank you so much. You take care of yourself and give that little man a squeeze. I will. Okay. Lots of love, darling. Bye. Bye. Well, that is always really, really nice to speak to Nadia and. And she always has a lot to say. Funny enough, we had so many other topics we were going to talk about, but we ran out of time. And my next guest is all the way from la and, well, she's living there right now. She's lived all over the world. She's a meditation coach and a ch. The chief wellness officer at Remote Team Wellness. And she has some very large clients through that Facebook and l', Oreal, to mention a few. I hope she gets a lot of l' Oreal products for free. You can find her on social media, Erin Kalmar and also Remote Team Wellness. And I hope Taryn is here with me now from la. There she is. Hello, Taryn. Hello. How's it going? Pam, Lovely to see you. Lovely to see you too. And thank you for being up. Now when I said to you how early you would have to get up in la, and you said, well, I've just been talking to a European client overnight, so wicked, as we say here in Britain. Actually, I'm not joining you from LA today. I'm joining you from Guadalajara, Mexico. Oh, wow. More exotic than la. Yeah. How amazing. Yeah, I was gonna say. But before we get into talking about wellness for who are working remotely, which so many people are nowadays, tell me what. What is the situation like there? Is there any sort of lockdown or are you free to go about your. Your business or what? Yeah. So basically the situation in Mexico is quite as per. Pre. Covid. World normal. It's. So Mexico didn't really have the same kind of response in general to the pandemic as most other countries. They considered the country very heavily dependent on tourism. They stayed open. They didn't have any kind of travel restrictions or travel bans. And so there's just. There's just a very different kind of, I think, pace of life happening here. So, yeah, so everything is. Everything is pretty much open. Bars are open, restaurants are open, People are interacting, but everyone's wearing masks. That's really. Yeah, yeah. So they're kind of taking some precautions. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. The sun is shining because it's gone very cold here in London today. Well, that's not really unusual. But yes, I want to find out how you got into the wellness arena, because right now you are working, as I said, with big clients and mainly for remote working. But how did you come to this point? So, basically, I've been interested in wellness in some capacity my whole life. I grew up dancing, and so that really got me into a different kind of consciousness and awareness around my body. I had a lot of injuries growing up, and after a little while I really decided that I wanted to learn how to rehabilitate not only myself, but other people as well. So I studied osteopathy, which is kind of an amalgamation between chiropractic and Physiotherapy, which gave me a bit of a broader understanding of the body, the anatomy and human movement. That also led me to doing a yoga teacher training, which was an absolutely revolutionary thing in my life because the changed my mindset from kind of a very competitive dance mindset to a more understanding, accepting and mindful practice. And I really did, again, want to impart that and share that with more people. So I started teaching more yoga, more mindfulness, more meditation. I started traveling and working with hotels and resorts, teaching at festivals and conferences, and that was going so well. And 2019 was a real high for me. I got to live in Thailand and Morocco, living in some of the most incredible resorts. And then I, in like 2020 was like in full steam ahead. I'm going to go to South America, work with all of these hotels, and then pandemic. Oh my. Thank goodness you got a lot of your training in before the pandemic hit because that would have made that so much more difficult. Urban angel said, taryn's smile is brighter than the sun outside. So obviously she has sunshine there, but yours is brighter. Thank you. Thank you. That was really sweet. So what I want to hear about to begin with then is your thoughts on wellness with remote working, because I know that's one of your areas and a lot of people are finding themselves. Even though countries are unlocking, like here we are in Britain, we are unlocking. Many companies are allowing people to still work remotely. So what are the key sort of tips or thoughts you have about how to do that? Well, because it's hard for some people working remotely. They would rather be in the hub of the office. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, remote work is definitely not for everyone. I mean, I had the opportunity to work remotely before the pandemic happened, so I found it easier because I already had my routine, my schedule. I had a way that I could kind of integrate a little bit of wellness and stuff into my days, and that was already set up. But for the people that are new to remote work, it can be quite a challenge because all of a sudden you are completely in control of your own time. And time, if you are not managing, it can disappear very quickly, especially when you're at home. It can, yeah, definitely. And I mean, like, if you, if there are just so many more distractions in the home environment, because obviously we have your pets, your kids, you have the, you know, you know, you have, you have access to your television, your cell phone and all of these things that wouldn't necessarily be present in an office. Or a working environment. And yeah, and that's really, it's really important to set boundaries when you're working remotely. It's not necessarily something that everyone wants to hear, but it is probably the most important tip I have for working remotely. Setting boundaries around the space, the physical space that you're in. So making sure that you always have a place where you work. You can't be working from bed, working from couch, working from. It really disrupts your routine to be shifting around a lot. So to have a set physical space is first, I think the most important and kind of set that up for your well being too. You can, you can have a, you know, like a lovely plant that helps with the air purification and just helps you to feel a little bit more vibrant. The plants just have, have that effect in a space. Also having exposure to natural light. If you have that opportunity in your environment, making sure that you have, you know, you, you do have like some, some kind of seclusion away from again the, the trappings of everyday life. Turning off your cell phone, muting notifications on your computer and your cell phone are also really important, but then also in a larger sense boundaries around your time are really, really important. So not just allowing yourself. Yeah, sorry. I was gonna say. And that's, I think that's really what a lot of people will be struggling with even to this day. And so you're saying it's very much about what would you. You need to establish maybe chunks of time. You allow yourself little breaks. I mean how do you. Yeah, yeah, A hundred percent. You have to structure those in so they're not like random throughout the day. And then you might randomly forget about the time or. What do you recommend? Yeah. So for me, I am a really big fan of time blocking and time blocking is a technique where you literally account for every minute of your time. Every minute of your time. I know some people are not necessarily, don't necessarily need that level of maybe pedanticism. But I find it very effective just to know where my time is going because there are so many things that I have to manage. Like I have to manage my company's social media. And then sometimes I, sometimes I would find myself just on social media and not really know. You're suddenly looking at what's trending and you're going to. Oh wow, I got to read about that. Yes. And then, and then an hour is gone and you just. And that that time is now you feel bad about, about wasting the time. So what I like to do is I like to Give myself like in the morning I meditate for 30 minutes and then I do some kind of, some kind of exercise and then I give myself 30 minutes for social media. So that's the only time during the day that I actually check in with my social media because then I get all my posting done, I get all of my scheduling done and then I'm done for the day. So I use, I use my time and I use my tools as such instead of allowing them to use me. And so I love that because I have a tendency because I work quite long hours, but I'll have random breaks depending on if I've just finished a Skype session with someone or I've done something I need to do. Life admin, something that needs, that has the deadline. So I will randomly like go on social media at really random times. Yeah, but I think you're almost right to try. Maybe allocating a set time might be better because I do get caught up in trends. I go, oh wow, what's trending moment? Then I want to read about it, you know. And yeah, so I can think one tip I might take in here. I do a lot of life coaching, but you know, I haven't even taken this tip before myself. Yeah, yeah, I know. I completely, I completely understand. Don't worry. It's seriously something that I think until you have, you have a way or an issue with it, you don't necessarily think about it. And so. And so yeah, so for people who are again less in need of like a really strict schedule because I really do need that strict structure and routine around my schedule because otherwise I'll be all over the place. I'm way too creative and I take way too much on. I have so many projects and things that I want to do. So I really need to sound like a kindred spirit. I tend to take on too much. Yeah, seriously, like, and it is, it's completely understandable. There's just so much to want to do. Especially again now we're at home and so we have, I think for people like you and I who have so many, you know, so many things that we were interested in and fascinated by and we want to learn more about the trends and learn more about like deep dive into, into things, it can be quite hard to fit all of that into the day. So if there's something that I want to do, I have to schedule it. Otherwise it's not going to get done. And so again, for people who aren't that don't need that much management, I really recommend The Pomodoro technique is also a really, really amazing way to kind of mitigate how much you, how much time you're spending. And that's basically 25 minutes of focused work. So if you have a task to do, you give yourself 25 minutes to do that task and only that task. That means that you are not jumping between tabs, you're not looking at your phone, not making yourself a cup of tea, doing all the things you are doing. The one task that you have for 25 minutes, that's all you're focusing on. And after those 25 minutes, you set a timer for that. When the timer goes off, you stop. You stop. Whether you're done or not stop. Take a break for five to 10 minutes and your break can again be whatever you want. You can, then you can go and go, go wild, go and make your coffee, go and do your thing, go and go and have your time, go. You can even go on social media in that time. But when that 10 minute timer break, the break timer goes off. Then you are 25 minutes into your next task. So if you haven't completed a good time for concentration, some people may find it's a little bit long. Other people might find, actually I can do 35 minutes of concentrated work. Do you recommend them being flexible? You can be flexible. The Pomodoro technique has quite, it has quite specific science behind it, I'm pretty sure. So if you look up Pomodoro technique, you'll find a little tomato and the little tomato timer. So they do have quite specific science about around the 25 minutes. But if you are, if you are a person who doesn't have that kind of issue with focusing and then like separating yourself and then coming back to refocus and yeah, I don't see a problem in being flexible. I think that flexibility is probably the best currency that you could, you could deal in, especially in a time like this. A couple more minutes, time is absolutely flying. May I just tap into the meditation? Of course. Now, for someone who hasn't meditated before and wants to start, I have my own technique. I do morning and evening and it's only 10 minutes top and tail the day. For me, that works and just settles my mind. But what do you recommend? What sort of, how do you, what do you say for some tips for people to think, oh, meditation sounds a bit hippie dippy, you know, what's it good for? So just a couple tips. Absolutely, yeah. It's one of my favorite things to talk about because meditation is completely different for everybody as well. So I think there's also been quite a bit of stigma around what meditation should be, what it should look like. You have to be sitting on the top of a mountain with a really serious concentration for two hours. And it's not true. For some people, going for a run is meditation. For some people, doing anything with real focus and attention on that task is meditation. So for a meditation practice, if you would like to start a practice that is separate from the other things that you're doing in your life, I highly recommend starting with the breath, because that is. It is our one guarantee, literally, probably our only guarantee from the moment we are born until the moment we take our last one. So really learning to tune into, to work with, and to understand your breath is a really important tool, and that's a really good basis for a meditation practice. So something I like to recommend when people are just starting out their practice. You can put on a little bit of calming music if that makes you feel better. But it's really just about getting kind of silent with yourself. So you could place a hand on your heart, which is a really amazing grounding technique. It's grounding to place hands on your body. So putting hands on your body and then taking 10 deep breaths without rushing them, without needing them to be anything really intense or, like, provocative or anything like that. Just allowing your body to take 10 conscious breaths and feel the breath moving in through your body. Notice where it comes in. Does it come in through your nose or your mouth? Does it exit through your nose or your mouth? How does it make your body feel? Do you feel your body relax a little bit more? How do you feel connected to the seat that you're in and just bringing that basic awareness to your surroundings, to your feelings. Checking in with, how am I feeling today? What are. Where are my emotions? What thoughts am I having? These are all really good ways to just start to tap into basic meditation practices. And you can do this anytime. And it's kind of mind maintenance, as I like to think of it, that you just give yourself that time. Taryn, it's been fantastic talking to you. I'm so glad we. And I want people to check you out on social media, both Instagram and Twitter, and also I think you're on Facebook, even though I'm not on Facebook, but Erin Kalmeier and Emoteteam Wellness is the company. Thank you again. I'm gonna go do some breathing when the show finishes. Amazing. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful rest of your Day, Pam. Bye. Bye. You too. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Oh, that was absolutely wonderful. And I do totally think I could have again all my guests today. I know I want more time with and I am super excited for my next one who I personally. I wish I could personally take him with me whenever I go out because he is a top stylist, writer, content creator on Instagram. You can find him LucasArmitage, and I'm hoping he's there right now to join me and have a good chat about style. Hello. Hello, Dr. Pam. How are we today? I'm really well and how are you? Yes, I'm good. It's just started raining here, but it's been a lovely week. Getting back to some kind of normality. How's your week going? It's going well, but you've got a tiny bit of an echo on your line. I don't know if you need to move your mic nearer or what, but it should be fine because I know when we start. Spoke just before 2, it was working just fine. Now that sounds good. I'm delighted that our mutual friend Charlie King put us in touch. I did say to Charlie, I rather fess up to you. I felt a bit nervous meeting you because I have no sense of style. I just wear random stuff. It's funny. It's funny because people say that to me quite a lot. I've been going on dates, dating apps at the moment, and people are like, oh, God, you're not going to want to date me because of what I wear. And I'm like, actually, I'm probably one of the least judgy people in terms of clothing. There's still a little bit of an echo, I'm sorry to say. I don't know if you. Have you. Have you got earbuds you can put on or. Let me, let me try. Yeah. It's funny how we did the. The test just before they started. It was. It was absolutely brilliant. Clear as being in the next day. But how's that? That. I think that might be better. Yes. I don't have earbuds. I don't trust myself with anything that's small that's worth so much. So I have the old school ones, guys, so sorry. Off the bat there, and. And I'm. I just know I'd lose it. I'm sorry to say it is still a little bit of vibration, like a. Like something's vibrating near the. The mic. Oh, I don't know. Try. But. Well, we'll just bear with it. And Karen, because I have so many questions to ask you. With people getting back in the workplace and lockdown opening, a lot of people will be suddenly going again, back into work, back socially. And this is the perfect time to think about what can I do that brings up my style? That lifts it. What kind of things should. Should people do when they're thinking about getting back to work, getting out, socializing again to make themselves maybe not stand out with their style, like they're, you know, like they're really, really different or whatever, but just little things that might help, I think. I mean, looking at what you're sat now, I can see that there's a lot of color. So I'm, I'm much about color. I mean, there's a man who's a neighbor to me who obviously just loves orange, and I see him every day and it makes me so happy because he wears orange on his shoes, on his trousers, on his top. If he's wearing a hat, it's orange. So obviously he just loves the color orange and he just goes with it. So I think wear colors that you gravitate towards. I love purple. I love lilac. I think, yeah, a lot of people's default is to go for black clothing and just have a wardrobe. And I understand it's convenient because you wake up in the morning and you don't have to think about, okay, color. What goes with what? What I would say is that I think there's no rules. So as long as you like what you're wearing, that's the main thing. And if you look in the mirror and you smile and you feel happy when you see the colors that you're wearing, I think that's going to set you up for the day perfectly. And try not to kind of. Yeah, I, I find it quite boring when you just get on the tube and everyone's sat there in their black trousers and black knitwear and. Or gray or white, and it's fine if you like wearing that. And like I said, I'm not a judgy stylist, but I think injecting some color into the wardrobe is a really good way, is a good start. Starting point. Well, well, Urban angel has said Lucas's Instagram is stunning, and I have to agree with her. Yeah, thank you, Urban Angel. That's very kind. It's so creative. And I guess people think of when you're dealing with a stylist that, yeah, they are going to be enormously creative. But I love the fact that you're saying that your first tip is just introducing some Sort of color. So it's not beyond the reach of us mere mortals compared, of course. Of course. I mean, look, I love shops where you can go. And this is from weekday. They do lots of different color options. I mean, I. I walked into Primark on Monday morning just because I was actually heading into Central. But you can get color at any kind of price point. You know, you don't have to be spending hundreds to kind of introduce some color which is, you know, super accessible. Yeah. Now, what about this spring? What are the actual trends for people who really want to be more fashionable? What. What are the trends for men and women? I think we're seeing a lot of kind of prints. I mean, for me, when I've been calling fashion, I found it quite difficult because a lot of retail have really bought big into loungewear, and it. There's been so much uncertainty that you've. We've kind of got gone quite polarized in that what we're actually seeing, what we're buying is mostly kind of loungewear, things that you can kind of lounge in at home. I'm not a huge fan of sitting in your pajamas all day. I think you should. Even if you're still working from home, I think you should get up and get dressed into something that's preferably not elastic, because I just think it makes you feel better, it makes you feel ready for the day, and it puts you in a different headspace. Absolutely. But in terms of trends, I think we've gone from seeing on the catwalks even more kind of, you know, if you look at couture runways, I think we're seeing it go into this realm of fantasy, because we all want that kind of escapism from the. The life that we're now all subject to. And then we've got the kind of flip side of what actually people are buying. And it is tending to be going into comfort, into kind of loungey pajama even. We're seeing, like, lots of kind of matching pajama y. Like, luxe pajama sets. Yes. I'm seeing a lot of. For women, it's kind of feathers and kind of pajamas and making kind of pajamas the statement and kind of make. Giving them kind of like a luxe makeover. So, yeah, it's an odd time to be. What about people who sleep in their birthday suit? Yes. Well, there is that, isn't there? I'm. Yeah, it does happen. That's an image. You don't go out in your pajamas. If that's the case, don't do that, you'll get arrested and you have to wear a mask. So you could never be completely nude. But yeah. So what about for men? You know, because I often think either you're a super stylish guy or you're just the average guy who wears average clothes. Is there anything between the kind of very flamboyant, brilliant male fashions and the kind of, as you say, the gray jumper and the white shirt? Yeah. What is the in between for men? I think in terms of men's fashion and to like, people like Charlie, to anyone who I give styling advice to, I think that in men's fashion it's less trend focused and it's more about classic pieces, but it's getting the fit perfect. So like we were talking about accessibility of price points, whatever you can afford. If you're going to wear a suit, I would take maybe 50, 60 pound off the price of the suit that you're going to buy and put that towards getting it tailored. So finding the tailor, going to a dry cleaner, making sure the hemlines of the trousers sit right. I'm often asked to comment on Boris Johnson or Rishi, and the difference between the two is that Rishi's suits fit impeccably. Yes, not so much. So I think you can elevate any menswear look just by making sure you get the fit. Bang on. Well, you gotta say, just because he looks like a shambles, it didn't stop him getting to be top man in the country. You know, it's just crazy. Quite topical at the moment when you look at kind of the inquiries into kind of how the government operates and favoritism and handing contracts to people. It might not be more a case of how you look, but who you know. Exactly. You. That was one topic I was going to discuss earlier with Nadia, but we ran out of time. This whole thing about, yeah, cronyism and all that stuff. So what about with celebrities? Are you going to be going back now to your red carpet work? There will be events coming up. I mean, how does that work? I'd love to know because I've known stylists, but I've never had a stylist. So a celebrity calls you up and says, I'm going to be doing a red carpet. What do you do then? How does it work? Yes, so I have a few clients that I work with continually. So you will do all their red carpets. So there's a lot of people that will dress themselves kind of day to day and then it might be they have a red Carpet event and they need some help. So red carpets hopefully will be coming back, back fairly soon. And what I will do is I'll start pulling in options, build a rail, we'll have a fitting, we'll try on. Before that point, I will obviously have discussed with most of my clients. We have a WhatsApp group and we're constantly kind of talking, chatting, sending inspo. So I've usually got quite a good handle on what they would want to look like on a red carpet. So it's. It's a constant process of just kind of discussing creatively ideas and options and where. Where we're at and where we're feeling. But I have to say, this lockdown that we've just gone through and we're just easing out of. I've been working quite constantly. We've been able to do shoots. TV stuff has been able to happen. Obviously, no red carpets, although they have done quite a few red carpets, kind of, you know, socially distanced. So, yeah, it's not been as, you know, as. As boring this time for me. Work's been quite okay. But, yeah, hopefully red carpet markets will be back soon. I think the National TV awards should be happening. Maybe. I was sad that BAFTA was cancelled because I go every year just because I happen to have a family member who is a member of bafta and I always go with them. Yeah. And, you know, although I've never had a stylist for it, it's still fun to dress up for those things, you know. And one thing I've learned, though, through another family member who's involved in music videos, is how a lot of shoots even started, like last summer in the autumn, with the distancing. And I just wondered how you. You found those. Those shoots that you've been working on with distancing as a stylist, because normally you get in there and kind of, you know. Yes. Things and. Yeah, so I can't talk for everyone, but all the things that I've done work. Because you do have to be in close contact. I. I just had COVID test, so I was being sent kind of before testing was even, you know, really accessible. I was sent to kind of a private doctor and would have a test a day or two before I was going to be in close contact with any talent. And that's kind of continued because I think obviously if you're a cameraman or someone who has to be there physically but doesn't need to necessarily go in super close contact, that's distance, is there? I know my client, Gemma Collins was. Was on RuPaul's Drag Race, and they were all in a Covid bubble and we got ready in a remote location. We were all Covid tested. So it's been a lot of hoops to jump through, but it's amazing how TV has been able to get through this difficult period and still entertain everyone. I mean, I'm a huge Strictly Come Dancing fan and every Saturday when that show was on, I just was so thankful for all the hard work. Obviously, I've worked on big TV shows before and I've worked Strictly a good few years ago, but we watch these shows and I don't think we. I mean, you've obviously done a lot of TV yourself. You don't understand until you've maybe been there how much hard work goes into just producing an hour of live tv. Exactly. Are almost out of time. I have to ask, did you do Gemma's address for the Piers Morgan Review? Because I loved that multicolored. Oh, actually, that's funny enough. I was doing a painting at the time which would have matched it perfectly. She could have studied in front of my painting. I was like, oh, amazing. That is a. It was a. That was a Versace fabric that I think she sourced herself. And there's a dressmaker that we work with a lot who makes all her suits. So, yeah, it was a beautiful suit. I'm sorry, we've. We've. We've run out of time. Oh, my gosh. I could have had so much longer with you. Yeah, I know. It flew past, but thank you so much. People can find you on Instagram @LucasArmitage, and one day I hope to actually meet you and you can laugh at whatever I'm wearing. You're allowed to. I like the leopard print. Oh, thank you. It's from my friend Jody Marsh's website. Oh, amazing. I'll check it out. Oh, thank you, Dr. Pam. Lovely to chat to you. Well, lots of love. You take care and thanks again. And I want to thank everybody who got involved in the show today. We'll be back in a fortnight with the next show tomorrow. This show is repeated on the men's and women's radio station, so if you tell your friends about it, that would be fantastic. In the meantime, everyone look after themselves. Until next time. Lots of love.